Nanny nightmare

Did this woman have a hard time finding a sitter or did she just "cheap out"? People have already started posting on a breaking news item on our Web site, one that slams at the heart of any working mom. Check out:
Nanny charged with beating 2-year-old
People are having little sympathy for the mom, either for being a working mom or for hiring an illegal immigrant -- who the parents really can't do a complete background check on -- to care for their children.
Finding child care for my kids was incredibly hard and heart-breaking. We were set with my mother-in-law when I went back to work, but a year later she moved back to Oklahoma. We asked everyone we knew for references before getting the best day care provider for our kids. We lucked out. Now, when I hear of friends looking for sitters, all I can say is, "Ask everyone you know."

Raising future criminals

If you haven't yet seen the video of the guy getting a little kid to steal a purse, check it out. My thoughts? What a dirtbag. It's on our Web site, www.app.com, and it's pretty nauseating. In the video, it's hard to tell if it's a man or woman, but an employee at the Lucky Leo's arcade said it was a man. Here's a link.
Video of theft
The guy was cruising around the arcade with a little girl and a little boy. At one point, he picks up the little -- and I mean little -- girl, walks over to a counter with her and looks to the other side. He walks a few feet away, and appears to be talking to the little girl, then walks back to the counter, puts the girl on the floor and she crawls under the counter, grabs an employee's purse and returns to him, then the three leave. It's pretty obvious he pointed out the purse to her, walked the few feet to tell her what to do, then walked back and sent her in. How disgusting.
Someone who saw another video from the same incident said the other camera showed the little girl behind the counter, and that it was obvious she knew what she was doing. She got the impression that this was definitely not the first time they'd done something like that.
How sickening is that? I hope they nab this guy soon. He likely won't get good treatment from his fellow inmates. Good.

Nothin could be finer than a whiner in a diner ...

We've all had times where we've had to "shush" our kids out in public. Have you ever had someone tell you to "shush" yours? This story takes the cake:
My friends Eileen and Chris took their four children out to the Four Seasons diner after church on Sunday -- the girls are 10, 6, 4 and the little guy is about 14 months.
Not the greatest of timing -- they arrived when the Sunday brunch crowd was in full swing. They had to wait about a half hour to get a seat, and by that point, the kids were champing at the bit and the baby was in tears. Settling in at the table, Eileen got the three girls settled by passing out crayons. The baby calmed down and was contentedly babbling, the way babies do.
After they ordered but before they got their food, a woman at the next booth -- they were sitting next to two couples -- turned to Chris and said, "Could you keep that baby quiet? We're trying to have a conversation here."
"I wouldn't be more shocked if that woman just turned around and bit me on the arm," Chris said.
Now the baby wasn't screaming. He wasn't crying. He was making baby noises. In a crowded diner that was pretty loud without him. The kitchen was on the other side of the two couples, with its doors swinging and noises coming from inside there. And not for nothing, but the two couples weren't exactly the quietest of patrons themselves. Is a baby’s happy babbling so offensive?
Eileen didn't know how to react. "What was I supposed to do, cover his mouth with my hand?" she later asked. But she picked up the baby, went to the hostess and asked for some crackers, which the hostess quickly got for her, then she returned to her table. A little later, the same woman asked if the kids wanted her uneaten French fries. Gross!
Now there are restaurants I bring my kids to, and restaurants that I don't. A diner at noon on a Sunday, I wouldn't have a problem with bringing my kids. Anyone who's offended by the noise of a baby should probably opt for a quieter venue.

Stubborn is as stubborn does

How much do you hate when one of your children has a public attack of "the stubborns"? My youngest did this weekend at Ally K's birthday party. Lining the kids up for musical chairs, the game organizer told each child to sit down in a chair so he could figure out how many he'd need. My son was in front of a pink "Dora" chair, but wanted the red "Superman" chair his sister was sitting in. She didn't want to relinquish it, so a battle of wills began, with me alternately trying to get him to sit down or her to get up. Neither would. Grrrrr.
So the guy running the game gets another red "Superman" chair and replaces the pink "Dora" chair. Not satisfied yet, my son wanted to be sitting facing the other direction. Grrrrrr.
My argument that it didn't matter, they'd all be getting up in a minute was for naught. Seems my 4-year-old so badly wanted this chair -- once it was facing in the right direction -- he sat, held onto the sides with an iron grip and stared straight ahead with a look of absolute determination on his face -- he wasn't giving it up. The music started, the 20 other kids in the game got up and started walking around the chairs. Not my boy. He wouldn't even glance away from the spot straight ahead of him that he was fixated on, his iron grip making sure nobody else got this seat.
At this point, my "grrrr'ing" stopped. It was really funny. The next round started, he was like a statute. Same with the round after that. I don't think he even blinked. We were hysterical.
Then, after around four rounds, he suddenly got up and ... walked away. Never looked back. Went over and played with some trucks.
I really wonder what was going on in his head through the whole thing!

Who's your opposite?

Ever wonder what's the opposite of "you"? My teenager and I have sat through a few episodes of "Wife Swap," cracking up at the antics of women who "switch" families for two weeks, living by the house rules for one, then changing them to reflect their own lifestyle for the second. My apologies to vegetarians and animal lovers, but the episode with a woman apologizing to the deer head mounted on the wall of a hunter's home was a riot.
Every now and then, one of us will jokingly, I hope, suggest that we sign our family up. But I'm afraid of what my opposite is. Is it a family that sits around all the time (we don't), is it someone obsessive about cleaning (we aren't), or is it a stay-at-home home-schooler?
I like to tell him that I'd get switched with someone who has no kids and sits around, being pampered and doing a lot of shopping. I wouldn't mind that switch, but only for the week. I'd miss my kids too much.
But knowing my luck, I'd end up in a home with no modern appliances, washing clothes on a rock in a stream and slaughtering a chicken from the backyard for dinner.
I think I'll just stay home and live my own life, thank you very much.

Time to hit the closets?

Does anyone have a good game plan on switching wardrobes from summer to winter wear? I never seem to hit it quite right. We'll get a couple of cold days, I'll switch everything, then we get an Indian summer with 80s plus weather. What's a mom to do? I usually try and keep a few mid-season outfits handy.
Is it too soon to put away the shorts? I think I'll wait a few weeks, and just get a couple of pairs of jeans out for the time being. My kids have been in nothing but shorts for months now. I hate the thought of dragging out the cold-weather clothes so soon, but it's been chilly in the mornings.

Two weeks behind schedule

Finally, school started. Construction delayed our opening by two weeks, so today was the first day of school for my girls. They couldn't wait. Remember that eagerness to return to school after summer seemed soooooo long? Add two more weeks, and you'll know how antsy my kids were. Our town extended its summer camp program, but I was too late in signing up, plus I had arranged to take some vacation time. But as much as I know they love me, they want to be with their friends. Because of the crazy change in schedules, we didn't arrange for play dates. I kept them busy, blew off the housecleaning I wanted to do, but all they wanted was to be back in school.
This morning, I didn't have to ask them twice to do anything. My younger daughter was up at 6:20, raring to go. My older daughter was fully dressed and had already eaten when I got back from my jog in time for my husband to leave.
That never happens. There have been times when they've been scarfing down a bowl of cereal in the car.
Thank heavens, school is open again.

I've got the bug

After we have kids, we give up a lot of "me" time, don't we? Well, last year, after reading about the Danskin Triathlon, I decided I was going to do something pretty much for me and me alone -- I wanted to do the triathlon this year. Didn't have to give up much family time, I just got up earlier to go jogging, did a few swim run-throughs in the last few weeks.
And I did the triathlon, yesterday in Sandy Hook. Since numbers went up into the 1,700s, I figure there were about 1,800 women entered, I'm sure a few didn't make it. I know my group's number was cut in half. My sister and a friend had to drop out, leaving me and my friend Mary Holihan in it together. A bout with the flu the week before had Mary's doctor nixing her participation in the swim and bike, but she was able to strap on her timing chip and get her time for the run, or in our case, as in many others, was a run/walk. After a half mile swim and a 12-mile bike ride, my legs were killing me and I wasn't up to a 3-mile run. Using a mountain bike in a speed race didn't help either.
One big problem: I lost my timing chip in the water. I got bad advice on how to secure it. But thanks to a woman from Toms River, who was in the same "wave" I was in and who I finished with, I got my whole time -- crossed the finish line in about an hour and a half from when I hit the water. Not bad for a first-timer.
I can't wait to do it again. I'm even thinking about flying to see my sister in Florida and hitting the Orlando race next year. This time, I'm finding myself a racing bike. I know I did well in the swim, and OK in the run, but I was awful on the bike. I was watching people, at least 50 of them, fly past me, putting in about the same effort I was onto the pedals. The sleeker, lighter racing bikes flew past me as I heard, "On your left! On your left!" over and over again. My friends and I were planning to do that nice and leisurely together, so I figured my mountain bike was fine. Time to hit the classifieds -- I want a racing bike.
And, I hope, when they're old enough, I'd love to do the "tri" with my daughters, if they'd like to do it. I saw mothers and daughters coming out of the water together -- that's so cool.
But I did walk away with something. Helzberg Jewelers was giving away a number of star-shaped diamond-encrusted necklaces. As Mary and I were walking away from the finish line, we were joking, "Where's our diamonds?" when a representative saw my number, came up and said, "Number 1445? There's something for you at our table!"
It doesn't match my Danskin T-shirt, but I'll find a use for it!

Big Brother? If that's what it takes ...

Has anybody used those car chips that monitor a teen's, or anyone else's, driving habits? It measures the speed, number of times the car breaks hard or accelerates quickly, distance traveled and time and date for each trip. I was listening to 101.5 this morning and they were talking about the three kids killed in Jackson, once again, in a car driven by someone with a provisional license who broke the rules limiting the number of passengers. The car chip was mentioned, and I'm considering it. Having a teen who will get his provisional license in eight months, I freak out with every new story of kids killed on our roadways. And I know mine -- like most 16-year-old boys, he's a show-off -- likes to look cool. He's doing really well with his permit driving. But as he becomes more comfortable behind the wheel, I'm worried he will lose that edge that being a little scared gives you. He's more at ease, but he still doesn't have the reaction time down yet. He won't for years.

The radio host this morning said some parents don't want to buy them for fear of "offending" their teen or being too much like Big Brother. Really? I'm not worried about being Big Brother. I worry enough just being Mom.

School's still out!

I'm taking off a few days this week and a few days next week because our children's grammar school has a delayed opening this year. It's all good, but they're soooo antsy! They can't wait to go back. Except our high schooler, who is jealous of his younger siblings, especially at 6:15 a.m. when he catches he bus.
I had no game plan for this week, and with the crummy weather, we've been playing Webkinz and watching TV all morning. When I heard a TV court show behind me announce that it was "The Case of The Lesbians, the Pit Bull and the Firebird!" I knew I had to get out of the house.
Dusted off a free month family health club membership I won at an auction, just never got around to going, and we're out the door. With the time off, we'll put it to good use. Unfortunately, looking at the price valued on the membership, we won't be able to afford to continue. But it'll get us started!
When I was a kid, we had the Asbury Park YMCA that we had a family membership to. We were always there on the weekends, and swam all year long. I've thought of joining a YMCA, but the closest one takes me nearly a half hour to get to, and I'm just afraid we won't bother. Can't they build one in the Wall/Neptune area? Sigh.

Neither a borrower nor a lender nor a ticket-purchaser be ...

I really feel let down about my nephew. He owes us $275. He wanted to come out for a visit, he's 22 now, he lived with us for about a year and a half a few years ago. He messed up his senior year of high school and came out for a fresh start. Living with us, for free, he finished high school, started college, had a great job, but he got a little homesick and moved back to Oklahoma. We were sorry to see him go, the kids adored him, he's really personable.
He was just a little financially irresponsible. But you're not allowed to be that way in my house. So after we helped him buy a car, I was at his door every pay day, making sure his car payment was made, until it was paid off. We helped him get insurance, I made sure he paid that. And I went over budgeting to him -- talked about how he could set himself up in an apartment, what he would have to do each payday to make sure he was on top of any bills. I thought it sank in.
Apparently not. He wanted to come for a visit this summer but doesn't have a credit card. His mother has some health issues, so I said I'd buy the plane ticket and he could pay us back when he got here. He also wanted to go to a concert with my son, and the ticket needed to be purchased before his arrival, so I got that too. Shopped around for a decent plane ticket price, even used our Entertainment Book coupon to knock a few more bucks down.
Then he got here. "I messed up my checking account," he said, so he didn't have the money. But he was starting a new job when he got home and would pay us back before September 1, when my credit card bill was due. He left mid August. Hasn't answered a phone call, e-mail or text message since.
He knows we're on a really tight budget this year. I told him, I have four kids, and he's not one of them. But apparently, he expects us to "forgive" the loan, or forget about it. He's pretty religious, but I guess he doesn't realize "Thou Shall Not Steal" includes from family members.
I may have to forgive or forget the money -- I had to take it out of our Christmas Club account to pay the bill -- that's a few hundred dollars worth of presents we just won't be able to buy for our own kids. We can't sue him from New Jersey. But honestly, I don't know if I can forgive him for stealing from us.

Hooked on Webkinz

I must admit, I'm hooked on going on my son's Webkinz page. After he goes to sleep, I sign on and play some games to earn him extra Webkinz bucks so he can buy more stuff for "Mister Lion." (My little guy's stuffed animals are usually named "Mister-whatever-animal-they-are.") There are some games my son can play, but to "afford" the TV, swimming pool, throne and other niceties (he even bought him a potty and now wants to save up for a $1,200 clawfoot "tubby"), he won't earn enough on his own at age 4. My daughters are older and have no problem building up their accounts, but the little guy is limited in which games he can play to earn Webkinz bucks.
So I help. Played trivia the other night and built up his account by 500 bucks. I've gone into the "Employment Office" and taken a job as a burger chef a few times to help him out. But the most fun is when I sit with him. He has two "tournament" games he really gets a kick out of, and it's fun to sit with him and watch. One is a chef's challenge, where you pick three out of five or six foods to create a dish, then three "judges" give points to you and your opponent. Trust me, real culinary knowledge is no help here. Sometimes fish sticks in a dessert will be a big hit.
The second game is a Supermodel challenge, where you dress up one of their "models" (my guy always picks the cow) and the three judges evaluate your sense of style, which again, is sometimes rewarded for being bizarre. ("Chefs hats are all the rage!" commented one judge when my little guy selected that for his model.)
If you haven't gone on yet, they really are cute. We got the "Little Kinz" stuffed animals for $11.99 each, then you go onto the Web site and it's all free from there. You build up your webkinz bucks by playing games and doing other things on the site, and you care for your Webkinz buy buying them food, taking them to the doctor for a checkup, decorating their rooms, you can get even them a back yard. Mister Lion blows my son a kiss every time he signs on. Cute. I'd be tempted to get one myself, but guess I'll just have to be satisfied being the second bread-winner for Mister Lion. And he doesn't even blow me a kiss.

Ain't nature great?

A bunch of us living near the Shark River bay have been amused by the antics of a duck that's been living around there for the last few years. Each summer, it takes up with a family of swans, cruising around with them. At first, you don't notice it, because it blends rather well, as it's mostly white with some gray feathers. Then you notice that one of the swans is not a swan. But it picked up their mannerisms, does what they do, follows them around like one of the family. I nicknamed it the "Swannabe." It's the only other bird Mom and Dad swan will allow near their babies. This is a photo I shot of it one morning. Sorry it's not closer, but, you can see Mom and Dad swan to the left, their two babies, then the duck is on their right, next to the young swan in the front. One morning, I thought the duck seemed almost like a nanny for the swan babies, as it was watching over them carefully while the Mom and Dad swan slept nearby. Strange, huh?
About a week ago driving into Shark River Hills, I saw the Swannabe walking unnaturally close to a lone Canada goose. Now, I've never seen a lone Canada goose, those things cruise around in large gaggles, leaving gaggle poop in their wake and grossing us out. But the Swannabe, which apparently can't fly, was walking along South Riverside Drive right next to this goose. I thought it must have been a coincidence, but 10 minutes later, when I was driving back out, they were still strolling along the road together. Since then, I've seen them together a few more times. Early this morning, I saw them together, and at one point, the goose was about 20 feet away from the duck, then ran, flapping its wings to build up speed, (apparently, it can't fly either) until it was back by the duck's side. Then the two, side by side, munched on some reeds uncovered by the low tide.
It's interesting, these different species of birds, adopting each other. The swan babies are nearly fully grown, maybe they don't need a nanny anymore. So maybe these two nonflying birds joined up for companionship. They almost seem human.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just as one child outgrows the sleepover parties, the other ones start in. It's been a few years since my teen had his annual sleepover bash, consisting of dinner out at a restaurant, a movie, then about half a dozen friends sleeping over, watching movies all night (very carefully monitored pay-per-view) then a bunch of bleary-eyed boys picked up by 10 a.m. by parents who looked much more refreshed than I.
My 9-year-old opted for this type of party on her last birthday, and my 8-year-old opted for it for her birthday last week. Our guest list ballooned up to 15, five couldn't make it, so we had a dozen little girls, including my two, plus my 4-year-old, who appears to have a crush on one of my 8-year-old's friends.
Soooo, fortunately we had a small pool and sprinkler for them to play in for the first hour or two. Pizza for dinner, followed by a pinata, followed by Make Your Own Sundae in the kitchen, followed by movies in one room and talk-about-boys (mostly the 4th-graders) in another room and ... sometime between 1:30 and 2 a.m., sleep. I nodded off around 2, after the last of the whispers and giggles ended ... only to rise at 6:30 when the birthday girl woke back up for the day. OK, I didn't actually get up then, but by an hour later, all of them were waking, so if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I did some laundry then cooked breakfast. OK, frozen waffles, cereal and watermelon. Not much cooking involved. But after 4 1/2 hours of sleep, I wasn't up for a dozen individual omelets.
In the end, it's all good. They had fun, I must admit I did too, and on Sunday night, we all curled up in my room for a quiet movie night -- my favorite part of the weekend.