Teen drama
Something I keep hearing over and over again from parents of teenagers is, "Everyone's always telling me what a great kid my teen is. I just wish he/she was like that to me!"
I hear it from almost everyone who has a kid in the 14-18 year range, even from those who seem like the sweetest people in the world, where you think, "How could anybody be mean to this person?"
I've said it a million times myself. What is is about teenagers that makes them so crazy with their own parents? A friend of mine said she was told, about her daughter, "You're her comfort zone. She knows she'll get unconditional love from you, so she takes all her angst out on you." "OK," said my friend. "She might get unconditional love from me, but I don't think I like her much anymore." And this girl is one of those really nice kids who is great with other grown-ups, just not with her folks right now.
I can remember being like that. I knew exactly which buttons to push with my mom. When I was mad at her, I "punished" her with the silent treatment. That drove her nuts. "What's the matter?" she'd ask. "Nothing," I'd say in a flat voice, refusing to have any eye contact, instead looking the other way. Same tactic I use on my husband now. But back at 14 or 15 years old, my poor mother would get frustrated. Today, my husband doesn't notice, or, as I suspect, knows better than to try and pursue it. Oh well.
When my teen tries to bring his drama out, I shrug my shoulders and say, "Oh well." I can tell the difference between when he wants to talk and when he wants to "engage." Not long ago, he was trying to blame me for everything wrong in the world. I started answering it, and he said, "I don't want to talk anymore." "Fine, don't, but you have to listen," I answered. And he did, as point by point, I showed how I had nothing to do with his problems that day. He finally started admitting that he had issues with a friend of his and it was really bothering him.
Great. I take the brunt of the friend issues. Augh.
But by the time we got home, it was all out. But the only reason that it worked was that we were in the car -- there was no escaping.
I hate teen drama. And I have to deal with it three more times? At least I'll have breaks in between to regroup, reenergize and refit the armor.
I hear it from almost everyone who has a kid in the 14-18 year range, even from those who seem like the sweetest people in the world, where you think, "How could anybody be mean to this person?"
I've said it a million times myself. What is is about teenagers that makes them so crazy with their own parents? A friend of mine said she was told, about her daughter, "You're her comfort zone. She knows she'll get unconditional love from you, so she takes all her angst out on you." "OK," said my friend. "She might get unconditional love from me, but I don't think I like her much anymore." And this girl is one of those really nice kids who is great with other grown-ups, just not with her folks right now.
I can remember being like that. I knew exactly which buttons to push with my mom. When I was mad at her, I "punished" her with the silent treatment. That drove her nuts. "What's the matter?" she'd ask. "Nothing," I'd say in a flat voice, refusing to have any eye contact, instead looking the other way. Same tactic I use on my husband now. But back at 14 or 15 years old, my poor mother would get frustrated. Today, my husband doesn't notice, or, as I suspect, knows better than to try and pursue it. Oh well.
When my teen tries to bring his drama out, I shrug my shoulders and say, "Oh well." I can tell the difference between when he wants to talk and when he wants to "engage." Not long ago, he was trying to blame me for everything wrong in the world. I started answering it, and he said, "I don't want to talk anymore." "Fine, don't, but you have to listen," I answered. And he did, as point by point, I showed how I had nothing to do with his problems that day. He finally started admitting that he had issues with a friend of his and it was really bothering him.
Great. I take the brunt of the friend issues. Augh.
But by the time we got home, it was all out. But the only reason that it worked was that we were in the car -- there was no escaping.
I hate teen drama. And I have to deal with it three more times? At least I'll have breaks in between to regroup, reenergize and refit the armor.
posted by Clare McDowell at 8:54 AM
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