Open Adoption
The thought of open adoption is very scary to some couples, but it doesn't have to be such an uncomfortable proposition. The Washington Post did a great job describing the relationships between one couple who adopted two boys and their respective biological parents.
The May 6 story titled "Open (Secret)" makes for a great read because the players very poignantly tell their side of the story. Most stories, I suspect, aren't filled with such high drama. Mine certainly wasn't.
This lengthy article focuses on the emotional aspect of adoption and, to my dismay, never addresses the cumbersome financial and bureaucratic ends. The writer also gathered facts about domestic adoptions - and why there has been such a decline of babies available in this country. (The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute estimates only 14,000 women in the United States relinquish their babies for adoption each year. Most of them are white.)
If any of my readers is considering open adoption, I recommend that you read this article. Please be mindful as you read, however, that adoptive parents do have some control here. If you don't think you can handle having the biological mother over for Sunday dinner or fly in for a long weekend, then find one who doesn't want to be invited. It's about honesty and working with someone who wants the same level of contact as you do.
But don't make your decision too hastily. When I began this process with an adoption agency in Texas, I just wanted someone to hand me a baby and let me hop on the first plane back to New Jersey, never to see the birth parents again.
That was before my husband and I met Hendrick's 19-year-old birth mother.
John and I were there for her delivery. We held her hand when she was in labor, and took her out for ice cream after we drove her home from the hospital. We grew to love her, too, during the three weeks we spent in Texas.
We used to talk to Hendrick's birth mother every few weeks during the first year of his life. Now, this young woman has a new husband and another baby. And, although we've left messages and sent e-mails, we haven't heard from her in months. (We never had any contact with the birth father.)
There are times, I admit, I want to fly back to Texas and make sure she's OK. But open adoption isn't always about constant - or even consistent - contact. It's about her knowing where we are, and our knowing where she is. And if ever we need each other, all we have to do is pick up the phone.
On that level, we completely agree. And it's quite comfortable.
Here's the Washington Post story link:http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/03/AR2007050301212.html
The May 6 story titled "Open (Secret)" makes for a great read because the players very poignantly tell their side of the story. Most stories, I suspect, aren't filled with such high drama. Mine certainly wasn't.
This lengthy article focuses on the emotional aspect of adoption and, to my dismay, never addresses the cumbersome financial and bureaucratic ends. The writer also gathered facts about domestic adoptions - and why there has been such a decline of babies available in this country. (The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute estimates only 14,000 women in the United States relinquish their babies for adoption each year. Most of them are white.)
If any of my readers is considering open adoption, I recommend that you read this article. Please be mindful as you read, however, that adoptive parents do have some control here. If you don't think you can handle having the biological mother over for Sunday dinner or fly in for a long weekend, then find one who doesn't want to be invited. It's about honesty and working with someone who wants the same level of contact as you do.
But don't make your decision too hastily. When I began this process with an adoption agency in Texas, I just wanted someone to hand me a baby and let me hop on the first plane back to New Jersey, never to see the birth parents again.
That was before my husband and I met Hendrick's 19-year-old birth mother.
John and I were there for her delivery. We held her hand when she was in labor, and took her out for ice cream after we drove her home from the hospital. We grew to love her, too, during the three weeks we spent in Texas.
We used to talk to Hendrick's birth mother every few weeks during the first year of his life. Now, this young woman has a new husband and another baby. And, although we've left messages and sent e-mails, we haven't heard from her in months. (We never had any contact with the birth father.)
There are times, I admit, I want to fly back to Texas and make sure she's OK. But open adoption isn't always about constant - or even consistent - contact. It's about her knowing where we are, and our knowing where she is. And if ever we need each other, all we have to do is pick up the phone.
On that level, we completely agree. And it's quite comfortable.
Here's the Washington Post story link:http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/03/AR2007050301212.html
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