Talking to Toddlers About Sex

And you thought you wouldn't have to deal with this topic until your kid was a teenager. Ha!

According to the Mayo Clinic, it's never too soon to broach the subject. The clinic's Web site has done a tasteful job of answering some often-asked questions about sex, the difference in boy-girl body parts and playing doctor.

Funny I should stumble across this Web site because my 18-month-old son has recently started calling his penis a "boo-boo." My husband and I have no idea why he chose that moniker and we realize that at some point we're going to have to give it a real name. But what? And when?

It's not an easy subject to bring up at playgroup either. "So, what does your son call his little fish?" "What words do you use to refer to your daughter's private part?"

These are serious questions, and how we address them can play a role in how our children view their bodies and their eventual sexuality. They need to be handled delicately but certainly not treated as taboo. Perhaps this Web site can be a good start.

Here's the link: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sex-education/HQ00547

Tooth Decay in Babies on the Rise

The Associated Press ran a story today that deals with the rise in tooth decay found in baby teeth. Here is a condensed version of the story.

ATLANTA (AP) — Tooth decay in young children's baby teeth is on the rise, a worrying trend that signals the preschool crowd is eating too much sugar, according to the largest government study of the nation's dental health in more than 25 years.

The study also noted a drop in the proportion of non-elderly adults who have visited a dentist in the past year — a possible indicator of declining dental insurance. But there was some good news: Older children have fewer cavities and adults have less periodontal disease than in the past, and more of the elderly are retaining their teeth.

"Overall, we can say that most Americans are noticing an improvement in their oral health," said the study's lead author, Dr. Bruce Dye of the National Center for Health Statistics.

Experts are concerned about the prevalence of cavities in baby teeth of children ages 2 to 5. It increased to 28 percent in 1999-2004, from 24 percent in 1988-1994, according to the report. Tooth decay in young children had been decreasing for 40 years. Some studies have suggested the trend might have ended, but the new report contains the first statistically significant proof the trend has reversed, dental experts said.

One reason is that parents are giving their children more processed snack foods than in the past, and more bottled water or other drinks instead of fluoridated tap water, Dye said. "They're relying more on fruit snacks, juice boxes, candy and soda" for the sustenance of preschoolers, he said.

Others experts agree diet is at least part of the explanation for the rising cavity rates. "The same things contributing to the obesity epidemic can also contribute to tooth decay," said Dr. Gary Rozier, a dentist who teaches public health policy at the University of North Carolina.

Inadequate dental care may also play a role. Cavities in young children can form very quickly, and parents should begin bringing their children to the dentist at age 1, said Dr. Joel Berg, chairman of the University of Washington's Department of Pediatric Dentistry.

Parents also must help their young children brush properly. "Preschoolers don't have the dexterity to really clean their teeth," Berg said. Baby teeth naturally fall out as children age, but dentists say untreated decay can spread and is too dangerous to go untreated. Rotten baby teeth are treated with fillings or — if the decay is extensive — extraction. But baby teeth fill certain spaces in the mouth, so their early removal may lead to crowding when adult teeth come in.

The results were reported Monday at a meeting of the American Association for Public Health Dentistry in Denver.

Proposed TV Ban for Babies in the U.K.

The British Parliament will hear testimony Wednesday from a doctor who thinks the government should issue a "daily recommended allowance" of television consumption for children. He also suggests a ban on all TV time for children under the age of 3.

(I'm sure my boy is glad he lives on this side of the pond.)

The story in The Sun of London referred to a Lancet medical journal study in 2004 that found "children who watched more than two hours of television a day between the ages of five and 15 saw their health suffer years later."

"Experts made the link between childhood viewing and raised cholesterol levels, obesity and smoking in adulthood," the article stated.

It is becoming increasingly clear that we, as parents, must limit the time our children, particularly our babies and toddlers, spend in front of the telly. I'm not sure a government restriction would go over well in the States, but perhaps a suggested serving size - just like we have for food - would help parents who are unsure how much is too much.

It would seem that if our government opens the door to restrict television viewing, how far away is regulations for video game play time or eating too many between meal snacks. Those habits can be just as detrimental, no?

I don't disagree with the experts who fear TV is bad for your health. I just would prefer they arm me with the facts, and then let me decide what's best for my child.

Here's the link: http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2007180740,00.html

Soaking in the Smarts

Trying to find ways to stimulate a toddler can be difficult. Especially this time of year, when the weather has been so dreary and there's not much fun in the sun to be had.

Today, I brought my son to one of my favorite places, Princeton University, and let him soak in the smarts. We ate lunch at my favorite Thai restaurant, walked along the main drag, and then visited the art museum on campus.

I joked with my friend that I hoped Hendrick would suck in some of that brain power, which just lingers in the air in a place like Princeton. The truth is I wanted to expose my son to a world where education is highly valued and cultural differences are celebrated. And I wanted his curious mind to take it all in.

Just walking around town Hendrick saw people of all different nationalities and skin colors. At the restaurant he heard several languages spoken and was befriended by exotic waitresses in vibrant dress. And at the museum he saw Andy Warhol's pop art and Monet's impressionist paintings.

There were many other stunning works, mostly portraits, housed in this museum. It may not have seemed an appropriate place to bring a baby, yet it was full of educational opportunity. (I just had to work fast, though, because Hendrick wasn't going to sit in that stroller for more than 20 minutes and the security guard wasn't going to let my 18-month-old son have run of the place.)

I made the most of our time, however. I rolled him up to the biggest, brightest paintings and pointed to, say, a man's long nose or his bushy brown beard. "Where are his eyes, Hendrick?" I then asked without pointing. "Where are his hands?"

Parents have to be creative on damp days such as these. We have to find ways to keep our kids engaged in the world around us and constantly expose them to all it has to offer.

The nice part is that the adults wind up learning new things too. One can never be too old - or young - for that.

Put Me In Coach, But Wait Until I'm Older

When a friend recently told me that her 3-year-old daughter joined a soccer league, I was intrigued but not necessarily impressed.

Soccer? At that age?

The feminist in me was excited for the little girl. She has an opportunity to be part of a co-ed team and develop a lifelong interest in sports, which could lead to an athletic scholarship, a career in or around professional sports, or, at the very least, a healthy, active lifestyle.

But the mother in me wondered if a toddler is ready for all the pressures associated with organized sports. Coaches and eager parents can say until they're blue in the face that it's all about having fun and learning skills but I don't buy it.

I have to wonder if some of us are living vicariously through our children. Was it our fantasy to become captain of the high school varsity basketball team or the MVP of a major league baseball team? Or, do we seek the prestige of being the parent of a gifted athlete?

One mother told me that she signed up her children at a very young age to play soccer because she feared they would fall behind the other young athletes if she didn't. Now she and her husband take the kids to practice three times a week and spend most of their weekends on the sidelines. (That's a little too much fun for me.)

An article in the Los Angeles Times yesterday addresses concerns by childhood development experts who think we may be pushing our toddlers a bit too hard when it comes to sports. The outcome, they contend, may not be a bright future on the field but rather a quick burnout.

What astounded me in the article was to learn that some organized sports are geared for children as young as 18 months. That's Hendrick's age! I love my son, but if you throw him a (foam) football he'll let it bounce off his head and laugh. He can barely walk straight let alone dribble a ball down a field. And, when it comes to taking direction, well, let's just say we're still working on that. (I wonder if the coaches have playpens on the sidelines for all the time-outs they have to dole out for players who don't understand the word "no" yet.)

Perhaps parents should try to honestly assess their children's athletic ability, maturity and confidence level before enrolling them in a league. Parents may want to ask themselves: How hardy is my son's competitive spirit and how easily can his enthusiasm be squelched if he, say, misses a goal in front of his friends and family?

Parents also may want to check out the coaches and other cheering parents who attend games before signing up their toddlers for any sports program. What kind of messages are they sending, and how will your daughter internalize those messages?

If you don't like what you see, maybe your family can just kick a soccer ball around in the comfort of your own backyard, or erect a pint-size basketball hoop in your driveway and play horse - without any other adults standing around and sizing up your boy's hook shot.

Now that sounds fun.


Here's the link to the LA Times article: http://www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-miniplayers16apr16,1,1996387,print.story?ctrack=3&cset=true

Raising Babies Does a Body Good

I always wanted to have muscular arms but was too lazy to go to the gym. Now, I get a workout every day, like it or not, lifting my 30-pound son.

I didn't have the luxury of easing into a rigorous exercise program the same way I would if I went to a gym, using those little dinky 5-pound weights. No, my son entered this world at almost 10 pounds and he keeps gaining weight.

My arms never had such definition, such strength. I'm amazed when I look at them.

My legs are more toned, too. With all that strain on the upper body I make sure to use my legs to help balance my weight so I don't strain my neck or back.

My technique works well on most days. But when Hendrick begins to twist and squirm in my arms, as he is prone to do, I forget about proper back support and contort my body in whatever position is necessary to keep him from hitting the floor.

One day, an older lady who saw me struggling to hold Hendrick, who turned 18 months today, shook her head and said I've got to use my stomach muscles. "What?" I snorted silently, as I passed him from hip to hip. "Is she serious?"

She was. And she was right. Now my abs are firmer, too.

Who knew raising babies could do a body so much good? And there's no expensive gym membership required to keep up this routine. My son's happiness is all the motivation I need.

Of course, it's getting harder as he gets bigger. But I'm trying to stretch every day and stay in shape in other ways so that my body can handle the rigors of child rearing.

Maybe pregnancy prepares you for all the heavy lifting required. I missed out on that experience, so I couldn't say. But, if I was smart, I would have pumped those 5-pounders in the weeks before Hendrick's arrival so that my underworked muscles had a hint of what was coming.

If I just keep my diet under control - and drink plenty of low fat milk, of course! - I can have the body I always wanted. That is, when I was single and worried about every unflattering buldge sticking out of my jeans.

Who has time to worry about such things now?

Mocha Moms and Other News

The Diaper Diva is on overload today so I quickly combed through some of my motherhood news sources to find stories of interest for my readers.

The first one is on Mocha Moms, a group of mostly stay-at-home moms who are black or hispanic. The organization has 125 chapters, including one in Monmouth County. Its Web site is www.mochamoms.org and there's information there about contacting our local chapter.

Here's the link to the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times article:
http://www.sptimes.com/2007/04/13/Citytimes/A_sisterhood_of_mothe.shtml

I encourage all my readers to join a moms group - or start one of your own. Check out a few of them to see where you fit in best. Why not make new friends and, as an added bonus, get tips from each other on how to handle baby.

An article in the Anchorage Daily News said the Russian government has halted all foreign adoptions for several months. Russia is the third largest destination for U.S. couples seeking to adopt. That country falls behind China and Guatemala, respectively, which are also tightening their adoption procedures.

Here's the link: http://www.adn.com/24hour/world/story/3597630p-12870574c.html

If there are any couples out there fretting over the overseas adoption clamp down, please remember that there are so many children in this country that need families too. My husband and I adopted our son through a Texas agency; he was in our home six months after we mailed in our application.

Lastly, I found a Q&A with a pediatric dentist. If you're wondering when to start brushing Junior's teeth - or if you should have started already - check this out:

http://parentsplace.lohudblogs.com/2007/04/13/questions-for-a-pediatric-dentist/

Have a great weekend!

Diaper Dudes

If the growing trend of stay-at-home dads continues, the Asbury Park Press may have to change the name of its parenting Web site to Jersey Shore Moms and Dads.

I read an article today that says there are 159,000 stay-at-home fathers in the United States, according to the Census Bureau. That figure is up three-fold from 1996, when there were only 49,000 of them.

It's not really a startling statistic considering many women earn more money than their spouses these days. What heartens me is that these men are willing to do a job that requires them to become financially dependent on their spouses. It also helps breaks down the mindset that a man must be defined by his occupation and how much he earns.

Let's face it, men were always capable of child rearing but society told them it wasn't their job. Now a good number of men are proving they can keep house, while women are proving they can keep up everywhere else.

This, I believe, is progress. It furthers feminist goals by allowing both men and women to explore roles that traditionally were assigned to one gender. How wonderful it is to be able to cross that line and still feel comfortable and accepted by society.

If there are any Diaper Dudes out there who read this blog, please let us know. I'm sure my readers would love to hear how you cope with some of the parenting issues we've discussed and what obstacles stay-at-home dads face.

Here's a link to that story I mentioned:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070409/ts_alt_afp/lifestyleusmenchildren_070409031806

Moviegoers Beware

Disney's latest animated feature, "Meet the Robinsons," is causing quite a stir in the adoption community, prompting some organizations to issue a warning to parents of all children and another group to call for an "urgent meeting" with Walt Disney Pictures to discuss what they consider "negative adoption messages" in the film.

Vicki Peterson, executive director for external affairs for Wide Horizons for Children Inc., sent a letter to her clients, warning them about the movie. The letter is being widely circulated via the Internet and e-mail. Here is an excerpt:

"The movie is filled with extraordinarily inappropriate messages about adoption. The basic story is about an adorable baby whose birthmother leaves him on the doorstep of an orphanage. Portrayed as loving, sweet, extremely smart and overly appealing, he spends the next 12 years of his life wanting a family and being turned down by one family after another - in all, 114 couples refuse to adopt him. One scene shows a prospective dad losing interest in adoption because this very smart little boy is more interested in science than sports. The prospective parents leave the disappointed child in a huff when he accidentally splatters them with some liquid from his science project. This is supposed to be funny.

"Since no one else wants him, the child invents a time machine in order to go back in time to find his birth mother. The 'bad guy' in his time travel journey turns out to be his best buddy from childhood, once his orphanage roommate. Now an emotional wreck resulting from being left behind when the orphanage was closed and shut down, the once-cute orphan is now mean and devious. Another chuckle. Various monsters attack the child as he continues his birth mother search. You get the picture!


"I found 'Meet the Robinsons' to be both tasteless and totally insensitive regarding adoption issues. Please think very carefully before taking your child to see it, whether adopted or not. I will write the Disney Corporation to let them know about my concerns about their flippant way of dealing with issues that are extremely important and not funny for millions of adoptees and their families in this country and around the world. "

Another organization, The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, Monday called for an "urgent meeting" with Disney to discuss "the potentially negative impact on children and families."

The institute said the movie has been strongly criticized by the adoption community because of its "insensitive portrayal of adoption and, in particular, of an orphaned child."

"I'm sure the filmmakers were well-intentioned, but their apparent lack of understanding about the realities of orphanage life (and of the effects of rejection on children) led to a storyline that is upsetting many adopted boys and girls, particularly ones who spent time in orphanages themselves," Adam Pertman, executive director of the institute, said in a prepared statement. "Many parents, practitioners and mental-health professionals also are worried about the impact the movie could have on children who still need loving, permanent homes and on the public's general perceptions of adoption."

The institute noted that it has received numerous complaints about the movie since it opened last month.

Not all adoption organizations took such offense to the movie.

A representative from Bethany Christian Services Adoption Agency said on www.blogger.thenest.com that the staff was "happy with the outcome of the movie which showed adoption as a positive message."

The Bethany rep wrote: "While we believe the movie in most aspects played a good balance between the sensitivity of adoption and child-focused humor, there are a couple parts of the movie that concerned us a bit. The fact that the movie starts in "modern-time" and has an orphanage in the U.S. and a birthmother who leaves her baby in a basket at the doorstep are both simply not realistic today and were only true in the U.S. many decades ago. We don't hold any of these parts against the film as we understand these parts are important in creating a compelling story that is also simple enough for children to follow.

"Overall, we think it is an excellent movie that we hope is very successful in theaters. "

Actor Tom Selleck, who does voice over for the movie, told The Associated Press on the red carpet of the movie's premiere:"I think the theme of the movie is about family. I think the subject will appeal to adults as well as kids, but it is a very positive message and I really like that."

The Diaper Diva has not seen this movie, and has no plans to. (My son, Hendrick, is too young to sit through a feature animation.) I just ask that you think twice about bringing your children to see a movie that may put an inaccurate portrayal of foster children, adoption and birthmothers into their impressionable little heads. As we all know, once a stereotype forms inside our brains, often the only way it lets itself out is through ignorant comments and hurtful remarks.

The Best Laid Travel Plans

Sometimes it's hard having friends who are in different places in their lives than you. They can remind you of what you used to have or long to have or, worse, thought you were supposed to have by now.

Today, for example, one of my best friends e-mailed me to say she can't meet me for lunch next week because she's taking a last-minute trip to Barcelona. In Spain!!!

I was supposed to go to Spain when I was in high school, but the trip got canceled because of terrorist activity by Basque nationalists. Then I was going to study abroad there for a college semester, but I didn't want to leave my boyfriend, who promptly left me after graduation.

I got another chance a few years ago when my church group arranged a pilgrimage to Portugal and Spain. I was sure I'd be pregnant by the time the trip was to be scheduled and didn't want to risk it. (One of the church ladies told me never to make plans about being pregnant until you really are pregnant. I should have listened... )

Now I'm 38 years old and never set foot on Spanish soil. My husband and I spent all our money on Hendrick's adoption and we are saving again for another child, so I won't be running with the bulls any time soon.

I guess I'm feeling a little envious today.

Maybe that's what happens when you spend five days cooped up in the house with a sick child. Everyone's life seems more glamorous than yours, and you kick yourself over everything you didn't do before baby.

I jokingly responded to my jet-setting friend that I couldn't stand to be her friend anymore because her life was too exciting.

She shot back with her usual quick wit: "Well it is only exciting when it is - otherwise - it is like watching paint dry."

Raising babies can feel like that - thrilling on some days and uneventful, even tedious, on others. But, in the end, those babies can take us to places we never dreamed possible.

It's funny how a little boy like Hendrick can keep me away from major tourist attractions, and yet, still, give me the world.

While He Lays Sleeping

I take back everything I said about how difficult it is to care for my rambunctious boy. At this moment I would love to see him riding his toy truck around the living room and squawking for me to come play with him. But, right now, it's breakfast time and he's asleep on the family room floor.

Everything was going well this weekend until we put him to bed Sunday night. Hendrick woke up startled an hour later, covered in vomit. He was really half asleep and unsure of what just happened to him. He never threw up before.

My husband and I were a bit taken back ourselves. We just didn't see this coming. These are the times I cherish John because it would have been very difficult to change the sheets, wipe up the rug, wash down Hendrick and cuddle him until he could be placed back into a clean crib if it wasn't for our teamwork.

We repeated that scenario about half hour later. Subsequent episodes that night were far less messy after we switched to a water bottle.

I know kids get sick and it's not that big a deal - our doctor confirmed that when we both took him into the office yesterday - but when you see your otherwise energetic child moping around the house it is a little upsetting.

These are also the times I remind myself how blessed we are to have a healthy child, I mean one without a serious illness. So, until my boy's fever goes down and his stomach is settled, I'll shower him with affection and do what mommies do best when there's not much else to be done: I'll hug and kiss the hurt away and help him forget his troubles.

Talk to the Animals

One of the greatest joys of parenthood is watching your child learn. I was so proud the day Hendrick looked up at a darkened sky and saw the moon. He made the connection from all the books we have been reading and realized that, yes, the moon was real.

I am hoping for another one of those heartening moments on April 28, when my husband and I take Hendrick for a tour of the Cook College farm during Rutgers Ag Field Day.

It's funny that so many children's books involve animals, particularly farm animals, because most of us don't live off the land anymore. The only time our kids get up close and personal with these kinds of animals is at the zoo. It's sad, really, that many of us wouldn't know a hen from a rooster, even if it pecked us on the head.

It seems I still have a lot to learn, too, doesn't it?

Cook College will offer animal shows and farm tours from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. I can't wait to see Hendrick's little face when he pets a goat for the first time, or hears a "moo" the way it's really supposed to sound. (He may realize my impersonation has been a little exaggerated, but luckily he's too young to point out my melodrama.)

The day also features a dog show, an egg toss, plants, craft vendors and food. If you see a woman moo-ing along with a cow and a little blond boy dressed in demin overalls trying to climb over the fence, that's probably us. Please say hello.

Here's a link for a schedule of events. Hope to see you there.
http://agfieldday.rutgers.edu/events.asp