Maternity Benefits in England

Call me a socialist if you will - and you wouldn't be the first - but I just wanted to let you know what we're missing in this country.

I read an article from a United Kingdom publication that outlines benefits new mothers and fathers receive in England.

The article states new moms get 52 weeks of maternity leave, regardless of how long they have been on the job. For the first 39 weeks of leave, moms can get 90 percent of their regular pay. For the next 33 weeks, moms get a standard rate of 112.75 pounds ($225.05) per week - or 90 percent of their average weekly pay if that's lower. Their company is not required to pay them for the remaining 13 weeks. During that entire time, however, their jobs are secure.

Dads can take a two-week paternity leave and be paid at the same rate of 112.75 pounds per week, or 90 percent of their average weekly wages, if that is less.

Adoptive parents and those whose babies are stillborn are entitled to the same benefits.

By comparison, our nation's Family and Medical Leave Act only requires companies with 50 or more employees to provide 12 weeks of leave if you have been on the job for at least 12 months. The leave may be unpaid, but it may be combined with accrued paid leave (such as vacation or sick leave). That means, when you come back, you better not get sick or plan a vacation during the rest of that calendar year because chances are you won't have any time left.

Adoptive mom get less time to spend with their babies if they have to head back to the office immediately after the leave expires because they can't take advantage of the disability benefit that comes with childbirth. (You can make that argument to your employer, as I did, and ask for an extended leave. I got to stay home for a few more weeks.)

I couldn't immediately determine just how much more British citizens pay in taxes than Americans, but I'm fairly certain it is more. And you may not be thrilled with the U.K.'s socialized medicine, but hey, they are both perks we don't have here and they are both worth exploring.

As for the maternity leave, shouldn't we offer new parents the opportunity to spend more time at home to bond with their babies?

It will be interesting to see whether any of the presidential or congressional candidates includes such a critical issue to his or her campaign platform.

Talk about a family value.

Here's the Guardian link:
http://money.guardian.co.uk/print/0,,330293621-121284,00.html

Advice for handling young biters

If you're child is still in the biting phase, or you have a baby who will undoubtedly evolve into a biter, you may want to read this article.

Dr. Barbara Waddell, a school psychologist who wrote an article for the Martinsburg (West Virginia) Journal, gives some great insight into why our children bite and how to control the chomping.

At 21 months old, my son has moved on from the biting phase and is squarely embedded in the pinching phase. (It's not as painful as when his little jaw used to clamp down on the back of my thigh, but it still hurts.)

Good luck.

Here's the link:
http://www.journal-news.net/Living/articles.asp?articleID=10891

Vive la France

Next time you consider having a baby, you might want to do so in France.

The London Telegraph reported on a new book that attacks the way the French revere motherhood. What struck me more than the satirical nature of the book, titled "No Kid: 40 Reasons Not to Have Children," was the generous benefits the French government gives to women who reproduce.

"This is the only country in the world, as far as I'm aware, where a state-paid helper arrives a week after you give birth to make you carrot soup and help arrange your layette. It is the only country I know of that pays for a physical therapist to work with you to get your stomach muscles (and your reproductive muscles, but that's another matter) strong again, so that you look good in a bikini a few months after giving birth (and reproduce swiftly again)," the article states.

"It is also the only country that gives you a 50 per cent tax break on your nanny and awards huge discounts on rail travel if you have a child. Of course the French state is bankrupt on the back of this, but never mind."

That's right. Never mind.

We can always keep our citizenship, and return stateside when the kids are ready for kindergarten. In the meantime, I could really get used to croissants in the morning, a little carrot soup for lunch and some extra help around the chateau.

Here's the link:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/global/main.jhtml?xml=/global/2007/07/26/nosplit/ftmother126.xml

Vexing Advances

As I was walking into the office tonight my 85-year-old father-in-law, who was babysitting Hendrick along with my 82-year-old mother-in-law, called my cell phone to ask me how to turn on the television set. The question was simply enough but he might as well have asked me how to perform an appendectomy.

I felt like saying, "Just do what I do, keep pressing the buttons until it works. " But that wouldn't have been very helpful, would it? My father-in-law, who has a doctorate in religious studies but can't remove an individually wrapped cheese slice from its casing, was frustrated and I didn't want to make matters worse.

So I punted to my husband, the keeper of the remote control and all things electronic in our household. "I'll tell John to call you as soon as I get in the building," I said, sensing his agitation. "In the meantime, just let Hendrick watch TV in my bedroom. He knows how to turn on that one."

I know my brain doesn't function as well as it did before my toddler came along, but modern technology isn't really making things easier for this overloaded mama - or retired reverends. It's funny for adults to say their children are more technologically savvy than their parents, but maybe it's because we find so-called advances a little more complicated than they have to be.

I should have told my father-in-law to have Hendrick read a book instead. Nobody ever has trouble figuring out how to turn the pages.

Super-sized swing sets

You know society's obsession with all things large is out of hand when back yard swing sets are visible from space. That's what one Pennsylvania father found out when he viewed a satellite photo of his property and saw his son's $6,300 "Double Sunny" swing set on the ground, according to a Philadelphia Inquirer article.

Ever since I went on a quest last month to find a reasonably priced swing set for my Hendrick I've been wanting to write about this topic. I admit I got a little caught up in the thinking that every family needs a swing set in its back yard, but I wasn't willing to go into hock for it.

My brother helped put things into perspective by reminding me of the importance of having Hendrick go to the local park and interact with other kids. Peter, a true minimalist, gasped at the thought that I would indulge his godson with something so materialistic as a personal playground.

So we compromised.

After combing newspaper want ads, Craigslist and e-Bay for a used set, my friend Dana mentioned that she wanted to get rid of her basic wooden model. I jumped at the chance to get hers - for free. (It actually cost about $200 because we had to rent a truck and drive to Morris County to get it.)

I find it mind boggling that parents are spending thousands of dollars for a "play system." You can see them in the back yards of almost every McMansion that goes up around here, and even peeking out from behind many modest homes. The colorful canopies on these status symbols are quite visible as one drives down the street.

We all want our kids to have the best of everything, but let's not forget to put our family's financial stability first. Kids, left to their own devices, can create their own fun. And if they need a little more stimulation, you can always take them to the most elaborate play system in town - your local playground.

Your tax dollars helped pay for that, so why not get your money's worth?

Here's the link:
http://www.philly.com/inquirer/front_page/No_longer_mere_playthings.html

Mama Needs a Vacation

Mama needs a vacation. I won't be anywhere near a computer for the next few days so I'm leaving you with some interesting reading material. Enjoy.

Several newspapers reported today that very young babies face a small risk of sudden death when they are seated, and not only when they are lying down, according to a new study published online by British journal Archives of Disease in Childhood. Here's the link to one of the stories:
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,22097689-1702,00.html

Here's a link to a Boston Globe editorial on presidential candidate Hillary Clinton's proposal for universal prekindergarten. http://www.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/editorials/articles/2007/07/17/big_ideas_for_little_kids/

Here's another reason to make sure you're kids learn other languages. A study of newborn babies and preschoolers has revealed that language may be the root of prejudice - and the way to avoid it. The link: http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,22093479-30417,00.html

We were just talking about the importance of reading to kids earlier this week and, lo and behold, I find on the PR Newswire a press release about research on the benefits of picture books and a company that makes such products. Here's that link:
http://www.prnewswire.com/cgi-bin/stories.pl?ACCT=104&STORY=/www/story/07-17-2007/0004626684&EDATE=

For my readers considering adoption, Russia is open to adoption again, but the country requires training and monitoring of foreign parents. Here's the link to the Chicago Tribune article:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/services/newspaper/premium/printedition/Friday/chi-adoption_13jul13,1,7960926.story

Pastina Makes a Perfect Meal

If you're an Italian-American momma there's no reason to read this. Everyone else may want to pay attention. I have a tip for a quick meal that's sure to please.

Whenever Hendrick gets fussy and won't eat, I make him pastina, a bambino's most comforting food. This tiny star-shaped pasta only takes a few minutes to cook. Then you mix in a little butter and grated parmigiano cheese. (No self-respecting Italian would use Kraft in a can, so buy the good stuff at Wegman's cheese counter or your local ethnic food market. You'll thank me later.)

I sometimes use organic chicken broth instead of or along with the water to boil. It makes the dish more nutritious, particularly for a boy who won't eat chicken.

I had forgotten all about pastina until a few years ago, when I watched my friend's mother, Mrs. Esposito, feed it to her twin grandsons. I must admit the smell was so enticing I almost stole a few mouthfuls from the babies. (Uh, that was before my motherly instincts kicked in.) Instead, I later insisted on cleaning up the dishes so I could scarf down the leftovers when Nonna wasn't looking.

I love to watch Hendrick feed himself pastina. You should see how cute he looks with those little stars stuck to his forehead! Tubini and other small shapes work well, too, and you won't need a tweezers to pick them out of you child's hair.

The Mommy Wars Rage On

The Pew Research Center released a new study last week that found mothers who work full-time give themselves slightly lower ratings than those who stay home or work part-time.

More so, the study found that 60 percent of mothers who work full-time say they would prefer part-time work, compared to 48 percent a decade ago.

Much fuss is being made about this study, but I don't see it as an affront to feminism as some would argue.

The feminist movement, in its infancy, told women they could have it all. But sometimes the theory behind a great movement doesn't always work well in reality - particularly when many employers aren't willing to be flexible.

The result has been that many women opt-out of the workplace because it's just too much pressure to be the perfect mother, wife and employee all rolled up into one perfectly coiffed package. It's not surprising when so many employers aren't willing to relieve some of that pressure by offering flexible schedules, meaningful part-time positions, longer family leaves and a more humane response when Jane asks to leave work early so she can go to her son's baseball game.

I consider myself lucky to be a part-time journalist. There aren't many positions that would allow me care for my son during the day and work in the newsroom three nights a week. Of course, I don't hold a coveted reporting beat any more. They simply aren't given out to part-timers.

As a middle-class mom, though, I realized early on that it just didn't pay for me to work full-time. More than half of my salary would be spent on child care.

Mine would be a different story if I were a high-powered woman, making a six-figure salary. But those women typically have to work very long hours, travel and take calls at home. Could Meg Whitman continue to be the CEO of e-Bay on a part-time basis? I don't think the shareholders would appreciate that.

(I suppose you could make the same argument for low-income women who are cleaning offices rather than running them. They often have to work long hours to compensate for their low pay. Either way, the women are away from their families.)

No wonder there's so much guilt out there among the working set that they feel compelled to give themselves lower grades than their stay-at-home or part-time counterparts.

We part-timers feel a little guilty too now and then for missing out. Just not as much.

Here's the link to the Pew Research Center study:
http://pewresearch.org/pubs/536/working-women

Read to Your Baby

The American Academy of Pediatrics says that only half of infants and toddlers are to routinely read to by their parents. That is a concern to doctors because reading aloud to children stimulates brain development and improves communication skills, according to The Jewish Ledger of Connecticut.

The newspaper did a fine job of helping parents figure out which types of books are best for young readers and tips for cultivating a lifelong love of reading.

The academy suggest that parents begin reading to their children on a daily basis at six months of age, but my husband and I didn't wait that long.

We have been reading to Hendrick, our toddler, since he was two or three months old. I've heard experts say that big, colorful picture books are best to stimulate infants so we bought quite a few of those. They're great not only because they help kids learn language but it forces you to talk to your child about the "ball" or the "duck" and have a little conversation about them. Sometimes, as you all know, it's hard to strike up a conversation with someone who can't talk back, but these types of books make it easier.

Hendrick still loves his baby books, the cloth ones with the silky tabs on the edges, but now we read lots of short rhythmic books and nursery rhymes. I 've also heard that rhyming books are very helpful to the learning process. They are also easy to remember so you can recite them to your child in the car or when you're waiting in line in the supermarket.

The most important thing is to buy board books because they are more durable than paper, and more importantly, they wipe clean. (We do a lot of reading during meals.) Cloth books that can be thrown in the washing machine are great, too.

Hendrick, who is now 20 months old, loves pop-up books, but if I'm not careful he will rip them to shreds. We began storing paper books on shelves he can't reach after he destroyed a few of those.

The best part about reading is the cuddling. At the end of the day or during an afternoon break, I take my little boy in my lap and kiss his little blond head in between pages.

Here's the link to the Jewish Ledger:
http://www.jewishledger.com/articles/2007/07/11/news/on_the_cover/news02.txt

For more tips, here's the link to the American Academy of Pediatrics Web site:
http://www.aap.org/family/readmeastory.htm

Car Seat Inspections

When it came to properly installing an infant car seat and adjusting the straps as my baby got bigger I must admit I felt like an idiot. There were times I just couldn't figure out how to keep that seat from swaying from side to side when I made a sharp turn. I remember driving a few times with one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding the seat upright.

(Keep in mind that my car is a 11 years old. Those of you with newer vehicles probably haven't experienced such problems.)

Ever since Hendrick graduated to the next level of car seats, my husband and I have had much better luck securing the seat. I'm not sure if Hendrick's new safety seat is easier to manage or we are just starting to get the hang of how they work.

Either way, we should never take chances with our babies. John and I decided to purchase a new car before the next baby comes along so we won't have the same worries again. And, most importantly, we will have an expert make sure the seat is properly fastened.

Many police departments have certified technicians who will inspect your car seat for free. The Ocean County Sheriff's Department is conducting free inspections at the Ocean County Fair this week. The fair is being held at the Robert J. Miller Airpark, Route 530, Berkeley.

June Farrington, Ocean County's certified technician, told the Asbury Park Press in today's editions that four out of five child car seats are installed incorrectly.

The inspections will be conducted at the Ocean County Office of Emergency Management, which is at the entrance to the airpark, from 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. Thursday through Saturday and from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Sunday. For more information call Farrington at (732) 341-3451.

If that's not convenient for you, call your local police department and ask if they have a certified technician on staff. If they don't, I'm sure they can tell you which nearby police department can help.

Planning A Vacation?

For those of you who are planning a grand European vacation with baby in tow or an exotic African safari adventure with your toddler, I suggest you think again.

I found an informative Associated Press article that contains interviews with mothers who have traveled abroad with their children. They offer the pros and cons of such travel based of their experiences. The article also mentions a few Web sites where you can get ideas for family-friendly adventures.

Let's face it, we all want to give our children - and ourselves - culturally enriching experiences that can only be found in a foreign land. But vacations are expensives, really expensive, and most young children wouldn't find an afternoon at the Louvre Museum in Paris as pleasant as you would. (Could you really trust Junior not to put his sticky fingers all over the Mona Lisa if he had the chance? Who needs that kind of tension?)

And what about nap time? Does Mario Perillo carve out two hours each afternoon for a snooze in his tours of Italy? I doubt it. Fine dining experiences would be out of the question too. Hendrick can't sit still long enough for us to scarf down a sandwich at our favorite diner. Would he really behave any better if we sat at a table with a view of the Swiss Alps?

The only real reason I ever wished I made more money is so that I could travel more. I hope someday that I will earn enough to be able to take my son to every corner of the earth. But for now, we'll stick to the Jersey Shore. An afternoon at the Ocean County Fair (which begins tonight, by the way) is about all we can handle.

I'll save my money and take him somewhere grand when the time is right.

Here's the link to the story that appeared in The Worcester (Mass.) Telegram & Gazette:
http://telegram.com/article/20070706/NEWS/707060534/1021/RSS01&source=rss

The parents of a toddler who died from chronic malnutrition each were sentenced yesterday to three years in prison. The Asbury Park pair had pleaded to manslaughter charges, saying they didn't mean to recklessly cause the death of their 14-month-old son, Jmeir White, in August 2004.

Jmeir's mother, who is legally blind, was raising three children - all born with severe anemia and growth problems. It wasn't really clear how much of a role the father played in the children's lives, but both parents accepted responsibility in the end for their poor parenting.

It's heartbreaking to hear about the death of a child, particularly one that didn't have to go so soon. Jmeir was only 10 pounds when he died - and no one apparently intervened to save him.

This case had prompted state officials to retool DYFS protocols so that doctors, nurses and caseworkers are better trained to spot signs of neglect. (A visiting nurse attributed Jmeir's emaciated frame to his mother's dwarfism.) Those changes are a good thing, but they are not enough. Relying on the state to catch every at-risk child is a lofty yet unattainable goal.

The judge said Friday both Tahija Handberry, 25, and Wesley White, 29, were "terribly limited'' in their parenting skills. That should have been obvious to their family and close friends and perhaps even the supermarket cashier.

Did good people just keep quiet so as not to offend the parents? Did their subtle or not-so-subtle hints that Jmeir needed to see a doctor go unheeded? Or did those who knew the family best simply say it was none of their business?

Despite their limitations, the parents must take the blame for this death. But society had a role to play here as well. I don't believe that more experienced parents could not have looked at this child - who was half the weight of the average 14-month-old - without seriously questioning if something was wrong.

Sometimes parenting can be overwhelming, and those with sick children may not see the obvious signs of trouble.

The next time your gut tells you that there's a child in trouble, don't shrug it off. If you can't find a delicate way to talk to the parents, tell the authorities and let them deal with the situation. And if they don't respond properly, call again and again until they do.

Countless people in Jmeir's life must have seen him whither away. How can it be possible that no one was able to save him?

New Autism Study

A new study shows that autism can be detected in children as young as 14 months old. Experts had believed that the autism spectrum could not be diagnosed until 3 years old, and since early intervention is critical, this is big news.

Many articles have been written about this study this week. Here's the link to a Newsweek online article:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19588967/site/newsweek/

Organic Produce

When my son was born in October 2005, I promised that I would give Hendrick only organic foods. I worried about pesticides absorbed into fruits and veggies and hormones injected into meats and milk. I feared that genetically modified foods could be harmful to his health - and I just didn't want to take any chances with his development.

The cost of organic foods, however, can sometimes be three times the cost of regular items found in the supermarket - a hardship for middle-class families like mine and out of the question for families who can barely pay the bills.

But how else do we, as consumers and parents, send a message to big business and government that we want healthier foods for our children?

For one, we can lobby our federal and state representatives: The Asbury Park Press ran a series this week about federal farm subsidies. The farm bill is set to expire, and Congress may retool the program to boost organic agriculture and provide more money to New Jersey's small and mid-sized family-owned farms.

Additional government assistance would allow organic farmers to increase production, reduce their costs and, hopefully, offer their products at lower prices.

Secondly, you can purchase a share in a local organic farm. I joined Roosevelt Community Supported Agriculture. I split a single share with my friend Irene. (The cost was $300 for the season; a family share was $500, but who can eat that much Swiss Chard?) We take turns picking up our produce each weekend. If you get there early on a Friday morning you can see Farmer Dave and his girlfriend, Tara, plucking the lettuce, scallions and other greens right out of the ground before his mom sorts the stuff in boxes for us to pick up that evening. (The price comes out to $7.50 for a bag of fruits, veggies and herbs each week for 20 weeks. I consider this a substantial savings from what I would pay at the supermarket.)

The Green Guide, a bimonthly online magazine, summed up why it is so important to feed children cleaner foods in a 2003 article about the links between children and pesticides: The very young are particularly vulnerable to environmental toxins, which can disrupt the development of their rapidly developing nervous, hormonal and respiratory systems, according to Philip J. Landrigan, M.D., director of the Center for Children's Health and the Environment at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City.

The Green Guide produced a list of the Top 10 foods to avoid. Try to buy the organic varieties of these products to reduce your family's exposure to contaminants and pesticides:
Fruits: apples, peaches, pears, nectarines and strawberries.
Vegetables: bell peppers, hot peppers, celery, spinach and potatoes.

Avoiding the Tangled Web of Deception

New research suggests that the art of deception is something human beings develop in infancy, but I never stopped to think about a baby's ruse as a behavior that needs to be carefully monitored.

Britain's Daily Telegram reported Sunday that behavioral experts found infants began to lie from as young as six months old. "Until now, psychologists had thought the developing brains were not capable of the difficult art of lying until four years old," the article states.

I found this research fascinating because I never considered that my son was fully aware of his deceitful actions. It's true, he knows exactly when to turn on the waterworks and how to smile his way out of a sticky situation, but I didn't realize he was consciously trying to manipulate mama.

The researcher identified seven categories of deception used between ages six months and 3 years old. They begin with the fake cry and pretend laugh for attention, move on to concealing forbidden activities and then to bluffing when threatened with punishment.

More experienced parents may be quite familiar with this instinctual progression, while newer parents just consider it thoughtless reaction. Perhaps we novices better think again.

But why should it be a matter of concern?

"Simple fibs help to train them for more complex deceptions in later life," the article states.

As the researcher pointed out, her work "demonstrates (children are) clearly able to distinguish that what they are doing will have an effect. This is essentially all adults do when they tell lies, except in adults it becomes more morally loaded."

The next time Hendrick tries to convince me he didn't break the rules, there will be harsher consequences for his actions. Better to learn young that there's nothing endearing about a liar and a cheat, then to allow him to cultivate his deceptive skills and weaken his character.