A Dozen Drunks and a Notebook

There's nothing like a couple of drunks to get a reporter back into the swing of things.

I was a bit shaky during my first week on the job. I stuck close to my desk for the first two days, but today I had to venture out and conduct interviews. I must have been more nervous than I thought because I couldn't even remember the newspaper's address or my new phone extension when I had to fill out an information request form at borough hall. And I stuttered a few times when I had to ask a bar owner why he was selling his business.

Something funny happens to people when they stay away too long. They lose their edge.

It made me wonder how an athlete who easily does back flips off the high dive day after day must feel after a long absence. What happens when he tries to climb that ladder again? Do his knees get weak, standing at the edge of that diving board and looking down at the pool? Does he wonder if he still has what it takes to soar gracefully through the air and pierce the surface of the water with barely a splash?

Sometimes you just have to throw yourself in the water if you're going to conquer that fear.

I started to get my nerve back when I wandered over to a group of older men drinking at the bar in the middle of the afternoon. They tried to give me a hard time by making comments and not giving their names, and I shot back by asking to see their driver's license. They liked my tenacity - and my smile. (Everyone looks better with booze.)

I was starting to feel like my old self again but was still unsure that I would ever have the confidence I once possessed. Then the bartender, who served himself just as many beers as his customers, asked me what size my breasts are. Unfazed, I shot him a piercing look that let him know he crossed the line.

"That's it,'' I said with a wry smile. "I'm done."

I closed my notebook and walked away.

A journalist can never lose her composure. She can't be rattled because someone said something that wasn't nice. When I got back into my car, I laughed. When I got back to the office and told my husband, he laughed even harder.

Everything about my job, my marriage and myself is just as it ever was.

Me, the part-timer

Tonight marks my last night on the Asbury Park Press copy desk. I'm making the great leap from part-time copy editor to part-time reporter, working three rows over from the men and women who have been my friends and co-workers for the past year and a half.

With all the buzz about the recent Pew Research Center survey, which found most working mothers wish they could find part-time work, I consider myself blessed to have landed a part-time position in my chosen field.

Such jobs are few and far between in the world of journalism. Even better, I'll still be working nights so John, the metro editor here, and I can still do the baby hand-off in the parking lot.


Of course, I won't have the exciting assignments I once had but that's OK...for now. I'll still be writing. I'll still be asking questions. I'll still get to make a difference now and then.

It's difficult to redefine yourself when you're first child comes along at age 38. I just couldn't adjust to life as a stay at-home mom and pretend my career didn't mean anything to me anymore. Other the other hand, I didn't want to leave the little boy I waited so long to have.

Part-time work is a great compromise. Wish me luck.

DVD on CPR

Here's a great gift idea for the next baby shower you're invited to: A DVD that explains how to perform CPR on an infant and child. OK, the other guests won't ooh and aah like they do when the mommy-to-be rips open a brightly wrapped box and pulls out an adorable jumper with bumble bees on it. But the life-saving instruction that the video offers may come in handy when that well-dressed baby tries to stick too many grapes in her mouth.

At the military hospital where my son was born, John and I were required to watch a similar video. Then I, the mom, had to demonstrate these skills on a plastic doll before Hendrick was released. It seemed a bit much at the time but back then I had no idea how much food a toddler can cram in his mouth and how awful it is to hear him gag.

You would think my son is training for the annual Nathan's hot dog eating contest the way he sometimes stuffs mouthfuls of food, one after the other, down his tiny gullet.

My cousin Laura recommended that I tell my readers about the CPR video, which was created by a local mom who is a nursing instructor at Rutgers University, so I checked out the site. The cost is $15.95, and it's available in English and Spanish.

Smart moms will be impressed by your thoughtful gift, and they will realize it's much more valuable than another talking Elmo doll.

Here's the link to the Web site for the maker of the video, Caring Professional Resources LLC: http://www.cpresourcesllc.com

Adoption Update: Orientation Weekend

My husband and I are about to take the next step in the adoption process: We are flying to Texas on Friday for the agency's orientation weekend.

John and I have sat through this presentation two years ago, and, unless they changed the program, we know what to expect.

This time will be different, though. When the staff starts spouting their mantra - "Not if but when" - it won't sound like a sales pitch anymore. It'll sound real.

When we sat through the program two summers ago it seemed unfathomable that the fun-loving ladies who ran the show with a cocktail in hand could really find us a baby. They seemed a bit too casual about this whole thing, as if they already knew how this scenario would play out, and I just wasn't willing to trust them yet.

Back then, we just went through the motions without building our hopes too high...just in case it didn't work out. We kept our emotions in check and questioned everything the agency presented. (Frankly, it was exhausting.)

This time we are going to sit back and enjoy ourselves. I'll also be showing off pictures of Hendrick to the other couples who are going through the process for the first time and trying to provide whatever reassurance I can that they, too, will have a happy ending.

I suspect that I'll feel a little bit sorry for these first-timers as they anxiously sit through the seminars with pasted smiles on their faces, doing their best to impress the social workers.

When you think about it, this is my pregnancy. It's not so scary the second time around.

Mourning for Others

I have just returned home from a family reunion in Upstate New York, and I couldn't wait to tell you how thrilling it was to introduce my son to my extended family. My Canadian relatives never met Hendrick, who is now 21 months old, and I was so excited to show them the special little boy who has captured my heart.

Instead, upon my return home tonight, my mother informed me that a little boy she recently met drowned in a swimming pool this weekend. He was just two days shy of his second birthday.

Every now and then my heart breaks for someone else, and this is one of those times. I never met the boy or his family, but the details my mother provided were gut wrenching. I can hardly imagine the agony this family is experiencing right now, and I pray that I never will.

The news made me question, though, every decision I have made as a mother. I even thought for a few moments that I should never work again, that I should never leave my child in the care of anyone else - even my spouse - for fear that no one would be as vigilant as I am with his safety.

I guess we can't live like that, though. We need to trust others now and then ... and take our chances.

Please say a prayer for this family and ask God to help them heal. This is not the time to question God, but to run to Him. Perhaps not even He can mend their broken hearts, but it is only He who can give them reassurance that that little boy can experience all the joys of heaven without ever knowing any of the sorrows that consume life on earth.

Milk That Does a Body Better

Good news from New Jersey milk producers. The Garden State's dairy farmers will begin to sell Jersey Fresh Skim Milk in your local grocery store beginning Aug. 7.

I'm excited. Who wants milk that traveled all the way from Wisconsin when you can get it from a cow just down the Turnpike? (Well, it actually gets shipped to a processing plant in Pennsylvania and sold through a North Jersey distributor before you can pull it off the shelf, but let's not get technical while I'm standing on my milk crate.)

The announcement, which is in newspapers today, talks about the New Jersey Department of Agriculture responding to a national movement to eat locally grown foods because consumers think they will be fresher and safer. Why do we think that? Because the milk might sour along the way? Have we convinced ourselves that no one in my state would put growth hormones in the milk we give to our kids?

This is not about perception. It's about state-mandated safety regulations that need to be diligently enforced.

We should applaud the state for actually creating regulations that forbid Jersey's dairy farmers using the Jersey Fresh brand from injecting growth hormones and antibiotics in its fat-free milk. They are the unwanted additives we know we don't want in our milk. And they are the reasons many of us - including myself - buy organic milk for our children.

The cost of Jersey Fresh milk is expected to run higher than "regular" milk, which is co-mingled from cows grazing across the country, but less than the price of organic milk. But if we want dairy farmers to survive in this state and ensure a healthier product for our families, then we have to be willing to pay the extra 50 cents per half gallon.

If the program is successful, perhaps we can convince our farmers - and state regulators - to sell a whole-milk version. After all, if the state can make a milk that does a body better, let's make sure it benefits those who need it the most: our infants and toddlers.

Soap Opera Star Pitches Child Nutrition

I didn't think it was possible to combine my favorite soap opera, child nutrition and this blog, but just like the writers of my afternoon story I made the seemingly preposterous a reality.

Alison Sweeney, who plays Sami Brady on "Days of Our Lives," has teamed up with the Gerber Products Co. to talk about the importance of providing toddlers with enough fruits and vegetables. Sweeney has a 2-year-old son named Ben.

"The survey revealed that half of the mothers who participated give vegetables to their toddlers only once a day, far lower than the USDA recommended 3 servings of vegetables a day," according to the article on BuddyTV.com. "Additionally, 43% of the mothers said they feed their toddlers fruits only once a day or less, far lower than the USDA recommended 2-3 servings a day, while more than half of them were not aware that the average 9-24-month-old child needs around 1,000 calories a day."

Sweeney, who is pregnant on the show, said she was shocked at the results. (I wondered if she expressed the same outrage as when she learned Nicholas, the hospital lab technician who makes house calls, fudged the results of her paternity test and E.J. was not the real father of her twins.)

Mothers who participated in the survey said time constraints were one of the reasons they didn't always provide healthy snacks and meals, the article states.

I realize most of us don't have nannies and housekeepers and someone to food shop for us like the soap stars, but we can't let that be an excuse for undermining our children's nutritional needs. Giving them the right amount of healthy foods is vital to brain development, so let's take this seriously.

"Family-Leave Values"

The New York Times Magazines wrote a piece titled "Family Leave Values" that talks about the numerous lawsuits filed by employees who take unpaid family leave to care for their babies or an elderly parent.

Here's a synopsis provided by the Casey Foundation, which graciously sends me and other journalists a daily list of articles regarding family issues. (And you thought I was a voracious reader who combs dozens of papers 'round the globe each day looking for content for this blog. Oh, if I had the time...)

"Since the mid-1990s, the number of workers who have sued their employers for supposed mistreatment on account of family responsibilities has increased by more than 300 percent. More than 1,150 such lawsuits have been filed in federal and state courts, a trend that has not gone unnoticed in the business world. In one case, a jury granted $11.65 million to a hospital maintenance worker who was penalized for having to care for his elderly parents. The flood of such cases – in which plaintiffs have invoked a dizzying array of laws – reflects not just the increased presence of women in the workplace but also the growing difficulty Americans of all social backgrounds seem to be having in balancing the demands of work and family. Unlike so-called 'glass ceiling' cases, these plaintiffs have ranged across the occupational spectrum, from physicians to police officers to grocery clerks. While not all have become millionaires, more than half have prevailed in court, a significant success rate. Beyond causing headaches for their employers, the lawsuits are serving notice that the battle over 'family values' are also about workplace attitudes."

Since we were just comparing America's stingy family-leave benefits to the United Kingdom's generous ones I thought it would be a great follow-up to share with my readers. I haven't read the 11-age article yet, but I trust it will shed some light on the weak protections offered by our federal law and the need to strengthen them.

Here's the link:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/29/magazine/29discrimination-t.html?_r=1&oref=slogin&ref=magazine&pagewanted=print