Music Matters

Whether listening to classical music makes kids smarter is continually debated in academic circles, but I don't think we're ever going to have any definitive conclusions on this topic.

Do we really need a group of scientists to tell us that Beethoven is good for the brain?

Exposing babies to complex music that both soothes and stimulates is a wonderful thing. I often put on a classical radio station when Hendrick and I are in the car or hanging out in his playroom. (I can't say for certain that's the reason he has a rich vocabulary at 23 months old, but it certainly didn't hurt.)

What struck me most, however, in today's Foxnews.com article on this issue was not whether classical music will strengthen my boy's left brain, but rather the impact music can have on his right brain.

One music teacher pointed out in the article that our children have become more accustomed to - and reliant upon - sight than sound. When we spend hour upon hour looking at projected images (think television, movies, computer screens) we don't have to formulate pictures in our mind the same way we do when we listen to music or read.

Think of the dulling impact that could have on a child's imagination - and all the ideas that could have been spawned from dreams.

Here's the link:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,297994,00.html

Keeping Good Company

A landmark study released this summer found a person could gain or lose weight depending on whether their family and friends packed on the pounds or dropped a dress size.

The study, published in the New England Journal of Medicine, followed 12,000 people since 1971 and collected enough data to know their family, friends, neighbors and co-workers. It didn't matter if those people lived across the street or across the country - they influenced their waistline.

Jean Chatzky, a columnist with Money magazine, took this logic one step further in the October issue to suggest a person's financial health is similarly swayed by the company you keep.

Karen Miller-Kovach, the chief scientist at Weight Watchers, told Chatzky that the link makes sense. "Social networks determine social norms and social behavior," she said. "What's acceptable, what's not acceptable. I expect we'll see a lot of parallels in other fields."

Chatzky wrote that research shows if you hang around spendthrifts or those who spend like drunken sailors, you're likely to pick up those respective habits.

"It's really a question of how other people's values affect your values," Duke University sociologist Lisa Keister told the author.

Perhaps this is why it's so critical for new mothers to be smart about the company we keep.

When I brought Hendrick home, my interest in other people's parenting skills intensified. I knew I needed guidance - fast!

I was fortunate to make two good friends in town who are excellent mothers. One is a pharmacist who stays at home with her three kids and the other is a dental hygienist who volunteers as an EMT. They are both smart, caring Christian women who gently guided me through my first two years of motherhood.

I stay away from permissive parents who worry more about dressing their kids in designer clothes and throwing outlandish birthday parties than instilling a sense of modesty and discipline in their offspring.

If the contagious weight-gain theory is accurate, then we must be able to conclude our friend's parenting skills - good or bad - will rub off on us.

I'll Take A Raincheck

My husband and I have been taking Hendrick to restaurants since he was born. I'm not exaggerating - he was two day old when he made his first appearance at a Dairy Queen in Texas. We were driving his birth mother home from the hospital and stopped off for ice cream.

Because we had to wait two weeks before Hendrick was allowed to leave the state, we spent a lot of time getting to know his birth mother over fast-food lunches and barbecue dinners.

The trouble is we never broke the eating-out-with-baby habit.

Shortly after coming home, we brought Hendrick to our favorite Chinese restaurant. I recall passing him back and forth over platefuls of chicken with broccoli as we took turns soothing and feeding him.

We promised ourselves back then that we wouldn't go to restaurants anymore until he was older; and each time we eat out we renew our commitment. For those of you who haven't tried it yet, let me say with complete certainty: There's no such thing as a pleasurable dining experience when your dining companion is a cranky baby or a rambunctious tot.

I know my husband thinks he's spoiling me by giving me a break from cooking, and I greatly appreciate his concern for me, but we're kidding ourselves when we say that maybe this time our boy will sit still and eat all his veggies.

If I was smart I'd take a rain check. The food just doesn't go down easy when you're watching your 23-month-old son wriggle out of a highchair or tumble over the side of a booster seat.

But some people never learn.

Tonight, for example, Hendrick screamed bloody murder until I let him out of the booth at our favorite diner. He made a mad dash for the cake display and then climbed up the spinning stools at the counter. (It's a wonder he didn't knock down a waitress.)

I'm sure by the time we adopt our second baby we'll be ready to kick the habit. At least that's what we tell ourselves.

Laying Down the Law

Mothers who work in the United Kingdom now have the right to request a flexible work schedule. New legislation requires employers to offer part-time or job sharing opportunities for working moms, according to Scotsman.com.

That sounds like something we should be fighting for over here. Especially when you consider that the Pew Research Center recently found 60 percent of mothers who work full-time say they would prefer part-time work. That was compared to 48 percent a decade ago.

Since the study was released in July, many newspapers and magazines have written stories on how employers are handling women in the workplace. Several large law firms and accounting offices are taking measures to ensure that these highly educated women stay on their career track by offering them part-time opportunities. (Note that a part-time lawyer may drop down to 40 hours a week!)

I applaud these efforts, even if they are only being done to protect the company's investment in these women. Highly educated women must continue to rise to - or stay in - positions of authority.

Yet, I don't see the same efforts being made for the average working mom who also struggles to balance work and family.

The lowest wage earners have it even worse, according to a new study. The Employment Policies Institute finds that the average single mother without a high school diploma experiences a 9 percent drop in income each time the government raises the minimum wage. The drop in pay occurs because hours are shortened or these low-skilled jobs are cut.



Here's the link:
http://news.scotsman.com/opinion.cfm?id=1494332007

Disco Down with Baby

There's a trend growing among young, hip moms who want to party with their children. They are taking their toddlers to Baby Loves Disco events that allow parents to enjoy a martini while little Johnny spins around the dance floor under a strobe light.

There's also Mommy Happy Hour. At one California hotel, a fashionable mom can parade around in her barfly outfit while little Suzie, in a matching Spandex jumper, plays in a nearby sandbox.

If you're not one to drink alcohol, there's always Java Mama. You can work on your laptop or chat with a friend over a cappuccino while your son or daughter plays in a supervised environment.

Taking your child to a coffee house certainly is less offensive than partying with someone in diapers. But these are adult hangouts and should be reserved for adult conservation. (That's right. If I want to let the expletives fly while drinking a Heineken at the bar, I don't want to have to look over my shoulder to make sure there aren't any virgin ears around.)

The San Diego Union-Tribune did a great job in reporting about this new trend, which is particularly popular among Generation X moms who seem to have a difficult time making the transition into parenthood and accepting their new role as the firm-but-loving disciplinarian. These women, it seems, appreciate venues that supply opportunities for the social melding of adults and toddlers while not fully understanding the dangers of living without boundaries.

Several experts interviewed in this Sept. 16 article, however, noted that there should be a separation between appropriate adult activity and child' s play.

It's frightening that they even have to point this out.

Of course it's not always fun being the parent. We all need a break once in a while to feel young and single and carefree. That's why I occasionally squeeze back into my old sausage-skin dress, twirl up my hair and slather on the red lipstick. Then my husband and I go on a date - alone.

That's the whole point, isn't it? There's family fun and adult fun, and there should be little intermingling of the two.

Then again, maybe when my son Hendrick gets old enough, he should tag along to the local pub. We could make him the designated driver. Pretty cool, huh?

Here's the link:
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/metro/20070916-9999-1n16moms.html

Picture Perfect

Last night I pulled five baby albums out from under Hendrick's changing table, wiped the dust off them and decided it was time to start filling in the pages.

As I sat on my bed last night, with all five books piled in front of me, I started leafing through the pages. "Oh, dear," I said, wondering why they became such popular baby shower gifts. "I should have started this project much sooner. "

How on earth am I going to remember the exact date my boy uttered his first word. Or took his first step. Or what he was wearing on the plane ride home from Texas. (I think I know, but I can't be sure.) These books want answers, precise answers that I just don't have in my head anymore.

The adoption books are even worse. They want to know how my husband and I celebrated when we found out we matched with Hendrick's birth mother. I remember getting the phone call, but where we ate for dinner that night in October 2005 is a blur.

This is just too much pressure for a mom who is already overburdened.

My advice for moms-to-be who take this stuff seriously is to study the questions in advance. Then, keep those books on the dining room table or some other easy-to-reach spot so you can easily jot down the details before they escape your head.

Early Education

It's not easy raising babies and toddlers but at least we don't have to worry yet about checking homework, packing lunches and getting little Johnny to the bus stop on time.

We do, however, have to begin to prepare our little ones for the inevitable: kindergarten.

The Asbury Park Press printed a list of helping hints for parents who want to stimulate their children's academic, social and emotional development during this critical time of early learning.

This article is one to print out and stick on the refrigerator:
http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070904/NEWS/709040346