It's Time to Lose The Bottle

As a first-time parent I know I have made more than a few mistakes raising my son. Lucky for me, I must research child-rearing topics in order to write this blog so I eventually find out exactly what I'm doing wrong. As if there's not enough guilt associated with motherhood...

Case in point. Hendrick loves his bottle. Sometimes he's like a little alcoholic who can't shake the jitters until he's sucking down on that plastic nipple. One minute he's throwing his toys all over the playroom, the next he drapes himself in a blanket and lies silently on the floor. Our sanity restored.

I thought it was OK to give my 2-year-old that bottle, as long as I didn't overdo it or fill it with sugar drinks like juice or soda.

Then I read this column from a Suburban Chicago newspaper. The pediatrician says you should start weaning your child off the bottle around his first birthday in order to prevent tooth decay. She says it's much more difficult trying to ask a toddler to break this comforting habit.

OK. So now I know.

Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.


Here's the link:

http://www.dailyherald.com/story/?id=65793

Pediatricians Push for More Autism Testing

The American Academy of Pediatrics is pushing to have all children screened for autism twice by age 2. The group made its announcement today at its annual meeting in San Francisco.

Statistics show that 1 in 150 children in the United States have the development disorder.

The Associated Press article listed several warning signs:
Babies who do not babble at 9 months.
1-year-olds who do not point to toys.
4-month-olds who do not smile at the sound of Mom or Dad's voice.
Loss of language or social skills at any age.


Here's the link to this very important story:
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2007/10/29/america/NA-MED-US-Autism-Screening.php

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder

Minnesota Public Radio recently completed a six-part series on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.

The report, which began last month, says that 40,000 babies who have been exposed to alcohol in the womb are born each year. "When a pregnant woman drinks, she risks giving birth to a child with a broad range of health problems, the most common of which is permanent brain damage."

The stories discusses how parents detect, treat and educate children with FASD, as well as offer resources to help families cope.

This may be particularly interesting to those who have adopted or are considering adoption: Biological mothers know how much they drank while pregnant, but those of us who adopt have to take the word of the birth mother or, in extreme cases, the state agency that took the baby away from her.

I urge any parent who even suspects their child may have a fetal alcohol disorder to read this series.

http://minnesota.publicradio.org/standard/display/project_display.php?proj_identifier=2007/09/05/fasd

Photo Exhibit of Teen Moms

A photo exhibit on teenage parents will be displayed at the Riverfront Renaissance Center for the Arts in Millville through Nov. 10.

The Cumberland County Human Services Advisory Council is hosting the exhibit, which includes 50 black-and-white photos of teenage parents and nearly a dozen interviews with the subjects.

The exhibit, "Children of Children, Portraits and Stories of Teenage Parents," was created by San Antonio photographer Michael Nye. His photos have traveled to 120 cities so far, and came to Cumberland County at the request of the county Human Services Advisory Council.

The council sought out the exhibit because Cumberland County has the highest teen pregnancy rate in New Jersey, according to an article in the Bridgeton News. Cumberland's teen pregnancy rate is double those of the state's other counties.

For more information on the exhibit, call (856) 453-7804/7862.

Body Burden

I read a CNN online report today about a California family who participated in a study to measure industrial chemicals in their bodies and found out their children had chemical exposure levels up to seven times those of their parents.

In this family, the 18-month-old boy "had two to three times the level of flame retardants in his body that's been known to cause thyroid dysfunction in lab rats," the father said.

The technology to test flame retardants and other industrial chemicals are less than 10 years old.

The article states:
"Environmentalists call it 'body burden' testing, an allusion to the chemical 'burden,' or legacy of toxins, running through our bloodstream. Scientists refer to this testing as 'biomonitoring.'

Most Americans haven't heard of body burden testing, but it's a hot topic among environmentalists and public health experts who warn that the industrial chemicals we come into contact with every day are accumulating in our bodies and endangering our health in ways we have yet to understand."

The thought of chemicals creeping into our children's bloodstream and settling in their organs is frightening. This may be, however, one of the inconvenient truths about our environment that we really need to know.

California adopted legislation to create a statewide body burden testing program last year. Considering the amount of industrial pollution we have in New Jersey and our high cancer rates, this may be something our state should consider as well.

Here's the link:
http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/10/22/body.burden/index.html#cnnSTCText

Fishy Advice

A group that advocates for healthy mothers recently recommended that pregnant and nursing women ignore federal warnings and eat more fish.

The board of the National Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies Coalition mystified pediatricians, health experts and consumers. Mercury, which is often found in fish, is toxic. High levels can be harmful to brain development and the nervous system. So why say more is good?

The New York Times and several other newspapers found out that the Healthy Mothers group received a $60,000 grant from the National Fisheries Institute, a fishing industry trade association, to spread its message of safe fish.

A Kansas City Star columnist did a nice job of explaining the story. You can draw your own conclusions on this fishy advice.

Here's the link:
http://www.kansascity.com/281/story/327027.html

My Tiny Tool Man

I knew men love tools and their ability to fix things, but I didn't think that fascination started so early in life.

My 2-year-old son has recently begun to seriously play with a toy workbench he received about a year ago. He loves to spend time hammering pegs, sawing toys and turning over his lawnmower to "fix" the engine.

It's fun to watch the wheels in his head turning as he pretends to work hard like the men he has recently seen repairing roadways, mowing lawns and erecting his swing set.

The other day, during a rare moment when I felt the need to put makeup on before I left the house, I let Hendrick run wild for a few minutes while I colored my face. Being the clever boy that he is, Hendrick took full advantage of this opportunity.

He pulled the toilet paper roll as far as he could stretch it. Then he did it again. He proceeded to pull the metal holder, piece by piece, off the wall. He must have realized that I wasn't going to be pleased when I looked away from the mirror because he ran into the playroom and came back with a hammer. He banged away on the stump screwed to the wall for a few minutes as if that would make things better.

Our eyes met a moment later, after I surveyed the damage.

He wasn't worried, though. He knew how to fix this mess:

"I need a wrench."

Hendrick's Birthday

Today has been a long and wonderful day. It was Hendrick's second birthday.

It's hard to believe my little boy has been on the planet for two full years. His transformation from a helpless little creature to one who stomps his feet and demands "Outside, now!" when he wants to play in the yard has been magnificent.

We celebrated by throwing him a big family party last weekend - with a car theme, of course. I made edible cars by gluing (with frosting) four mini-Oreos onto each Twinkie and a homemade ice cream cake. That was supposed to have candy cars on it, but we couldn't find the package when the time came to sing "Happy Birthday." (Hours later we found it underneath Hendrick's crib. Go figure...)

He had a wonderful time with his cousins and friends. We decorated pumpkins and the older kids ran a find-the-gourd hunt. We filled a pinata with small bags of low-fat cookies, pretzels and a few teeth-rotting sweets. (Hey, it was a party, after all.)

Today, however, was much more low key. Hendrick went to music class and the kids sang "Happy Birthday." My neighbor and her 4-year-old son came over after lunch and we sang over a cupcake shaped like a ghost. When John came home from work, we sang for a third time and ate more cupcakes. (I won't mention how many relatives called and sang over the phone.)

These are the days when it's easy to be a parent, when everything feels right with the world. I know it's not my birthday, but I can't help but feel that I am the one who received a gift today.

Britian May Ban Twins Through IVF

The British government, which offers socialized medicine to its citizens, is considering a policy that would prevent women who get pregnant through IVF from having twins because twins face greater health risks than single births.

The Sunday Times of London reported that the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority says the policy will reduce the health risks to mothers and babies and cut costs to the National Health Service's neonatal units.

The article stated:

"But infertile couples fear the move could endanger their chances of becoming parents. Some women say it is up to them if they wish to risk complications in pregnancy.

"At present two embryos are normally implanted. This boosts the chance of pregnancy but has also led to 40 percent of babies born after IVF in Britain being twins. For babies conceived naturally there is only a one in 80 chance of twins.

"Twins are four times more likely to suffer from cerebral palsy; five times more likely to be put on a ventilator after birth; and more than twice as likely to need admission to a neonatal intensive care unit.

"Shirley Harrison, the HFEA chairman, said: 'All indicators for the health of the baby are worse for twins. Mothers, too, are more likely to have dangerous complications.'

"The new policy will apply to IVF treatment on the NHS and from private clinics. "

The questions of becoming pregnant through this artificial means, creating numerous embryos and deciding what to do with those you don't want implanted in your uterus are nagging ones.

British women who don't want to limit their chances of having a baby can follow the example of their stateside counterparts who don't have insurance coverage for this procedure: Pay for it yourself.

Check out this article for the Catholic Church's position on IVF:
http://www.americancatholic.org/Messenger/Apr1997/feature1.asp

In an Unconventional Family Way

I recently attended my friend's baby shower, and it reminded me that I, too, am going to have a baby soon. You just can't tell by looking at me.

My husband and I are in the process of adopting our second child from Texas. Most of the paperwork has been completed, the initial checks mailed in, and our "profile" on file at the agency. Now we're just waiting for a pregnant woman (or teenager) to flip through the pages filled with our family photos and find something appealing about us.

That's the way it works with open adoption in America. The birth mother chooses you. She looks through nearly a dozen profiles and picks out a few couples who she thinks might make suitable parents. The agency arranges phone contact, and you get to know each other. Sometimes you click, sometimes you don't.

The woman, who is at least three months pregnant or just given birth, notifies the agency when she has made up her mind. Then it's your turn to decide whether to accept or pass.

Two years ago, John and I matched with a young soldier four weeks before she gave birth to Hendrick. It all happened so quickly I never really paid too much attention to the concept of a psychological pregnancy.

Looking back, I think I never allowed myself to experience that joy.

My friend's baby shower made me think of my own shower. It was awkward to stand in front of my family and friends and open gifts for a baby I couldn't feel kicking inside my belly. I just couldn't imagine rocking to bed -- in all those newly purchased sleepers -- an infant who wouldn't recognize the sound of my voice the first time he heard it.

When my office mates took me to lunch and presented me with a large basket filled with baby clothes and toys, the young women didn't understand why I wasn't excited to receive their gift. I was grateful but guarded. I didn't want to get my hopes up, after all. The birth mother still had a right to change her mind. (Texas law requires birth mothers to wait 48 hours before relinquishing their parental rights. Fathers often sign termination papers in advance.)

As I watched my friend, with her fattened cheeks and protruding belly, unwrap one pretty pink outfit after another it became obvious how different our pregnancies are.

Even though mine is all my head, it doesn't make it any less real. This time I'm going to relish my role as an expectant mother and have faith in a young woman I have yet to meet.

Sesame Street DVD for Military Families

Sesame Workshop, the nonprofit organization that produces "Sesame Street," is working on a DVD that will be distributed to military families. It is designed to help injured veterans talk about their disabilities with young children, according to an Associated Press article.

In the video, Rosita, a blue mop-headed muppet, is upset because her father has returned home from war in a wheelchair. Rosita angrily refers to the wheelchair as “that thing” and reminisces about the days when she could dance and kick a ball with her dad.

With encouragement from Elmo, Rosita musters the nerve to talk with her parents about how she is feeling.

This video may also be helpful for other children who recently had a relative lose a limb or become seriously injured.

I can't help but think of my own father. He lost his leg to diabetes and has been in a wheelchair since the spring. My son, Hendrick, who is almost 2, never knew my father to dance or play ball. He does know, however, how to hop on the back of a wheelchair and go for a spin.

Sometimes, when he is being silly, Hendrick carries around my dad's prosthesis - when he's not wearing it, of course - and proclaims, "Leg!" It makes my father laugh.

Perhaps if Hendrick was a little older he wouldn't have been so accepting of his grandfather's condition. He, like Rosita, probably would have been resentful of the change.

Whether it's war or illness that leaves a parent crippled, it always a sad turn of events. The producers at Sesame Workshop deserve a great deal of praise for helping these children cope with their loss.

Fathering After 40

A recent news article pointed out that two presidential candidates have toddlers, following a trend that more men over 40 are becoming fathers.

It's nice to know we have policymakers who can relate, right now, to our situation. Perhaps one of these U.S. senators in the running will bring their parental concerns to the White House and offer us working parents more relief in the form of extended family leaves, paid absences from work and improved child care.

The ABC News Web article noted that these high-income men have an easier time of juggling the demands of parenthood and career than your typical working-class, middle-aged dad. (I never thought that maybe my husband, who became a father for the first time at age 46, might look at these men and wonder how they do it. I know how their female counterparts do it: They hire a nanny!)

A book has been written on the growing trend of men becoming fathers later in life. Perhaps I'll buy a copy for my husband. On second thought, I'm sure he's too tired and overworked to read it.

Here's the link:
http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/LifeStages/Story?id=3678736&page=1

Apple Picking

Have you taken your toddler apple picking yet? It's a wonderful way to show a young child that food isn't grown in the grocery store.

Spending an afternoon on the farm is a great outdoor activity for the whole family. Many orchards also offer hayrides, pumpkin patches and hot apple cider and doughnuts.

My husband and I intend to take our son this weekend, if the weather is good.

Hendrick, who will turn 2 years old next week, has already been exposed to farming through our membership in an organic cooperative in Roosevelt. For the past 20 weeks, we have gone to see Farmer Dave - and his tractor! - and gathered up a bag of fresh veggies. (Sadly, this is the last week of the season.)

Our playgroup also spent an afternoon this summer at an organic blueberry farm in Millstone. It was pretty cool watching Hendrick make the connection between food and nature.

After our apple adventure, my little kitchen helper and I will probably make applesauce and apple pies. Both are easy to make, especially if you use a frozen pie crust, and can be stored in the freezer for weeks.

Have fun, and enjoy the harvest.

Here's the link to the state Department of Agriculture's list of u-pick farms:
http://www.state.nj.us/jerseyfresh/

Free Program on Childhood Obesity

Is your child at risk of becoming obese? Childhood obesity is the topic of a special program Oct. 25 at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital Rahway.

This program is not just for parents with school-age kids, but also for those of us with chubby babies. We need to learn now how to keep our kids fit and trim to prevent problems down the road - when we can't be there to drag them away from a vending machine filled with sugary snacks.

The free program, which begins at 7:30 p.m., features a registered dietitian, exercise physiologist and behavioral health expert to explain the causes of pediatric obesity and practical steps families can take to prevent it. More than 15 percent of American children are considered obese, placing them at risk of diabetes and heart disease, according to a prepared statement from the hospital.

"Obesity in children is a complex problem that requires the support of the entire family. This program features a segment on healthy food choices for growing bodies, movement and exercise, eating behaviors and self-esteem," the statement reads.

Space is limited. To register, call The Diabetes Self-Management Program at (732) 499-6109.

He's Got the Beat

The University of North Texas, which is world-renowned for its music college, has started a program to teach infants and toddlers the language of music.

"We are trying to lay the foundation for a strong musical future," Warren Henry, founder of the early childhood music class, told WFAA.com. The belief is that early exposure will produce more talented musicians who more easily grasp musical concepts than those who start later in life. And, studies show, those budding musicians will do better in school.

But you don't have to enroll your child in a university course in order to gain all these advantages. Well, not a real university.

My Hendrick attends Music University in Freehold. He just started the fall "semester," and he loves the weekly 45-minute class. He is enthralled by the live music: Mr. Paul plays piano while Miss Melissa sings and strums guitar. He loves to bang the drums and clang the cymbals. He runs around barefoot on the colored floor mats, shaking the maracas and screaming as if he was filled with a spirit usually found at a tent revival meeting.

Henry noted in the article that numerous studies have shown that music education can help students learn better. But I don't need any scientific data to convince me that my boy is learning at a rapid-fire pace in this class.

I can't help but attribute his extensive vocabulary and ability to count to the tunes he has learned in class. Sometimes I catch him singing the alphabet song or "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" when he thinks no one is listening.

Hendrick also is figuring out how to keep a beat, feel the rhythm and participate in a band. (Those 2-year-olds sure can jam.)

More so, my son is learning traditional folk songs, ethnic music and some original child-friendly melodies that I, with my limited musical background, never would have thought to play for him. I was particularly pleased that a Native American chant was part of last semester's repertoire. Hendrick, who is part Cherokee, was mesmerized by the forceful sound and steady drum beat.

I didn't sign up for this class to give Hendrick any kind of educational edge. I just thought he would have fun. The fact that he is learning so much just allows me to leave class each week on, well, a happy note.

Here's the link to the WFAA article:
http://www.wfaa.com/sharedcontent/dws/wfaa/latestnews/stories/wfaa070930_mo_untmusic.12777c59f.html

Learning to Say No

Learning to say no is a critical parenting skill and one, I admit, I haven't mastered yet. Standing your ground with an unreasonable toddler can be exhausting, particularly if you're home all day with him. But your perseverance will pay off in the form of a patient, well-mannered and disciplined child.

At least that's the thinking behind a new book titled "No: Why Kids -- of All Ages -- Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It." The book, by psychologist David Walsh, has become quite popular, particularly in the author's home state of Minnesota. A "Say Yes to No" coalition of educators and PTA members there are trying to make the book required reading for local parents.

As the mother of a stubborn little boy who gets indignant when he can't have his way, I'm going to run right out and buy this book. I could use a few pointers on how to stand firm when faced with defiance before Hendrick senses that he's wearing me down.

Here's a U.S. News and World Report article on the book:
http://health.usnews.com/articles/health/2007/09/09/its-tough-but-you-can-do-it.html