Breathe In, Breathe Out

Yoga instructors must always know when their students are distracted by their own thoughts. They stumble around their mats, making the elegant tree pose look like a bunch of branches blowing around in a hurricane.

That's what I looked like on Monday. I couldn't find my balance.

It didn't help that I was 15 minutes late for class. Despite the relaxing music and dimmed lights, I just couldn't stop my mind from racing. Not even the instructor's gentle reminders to focus on our breathing kept me in the moment. I was a million miles away.

Was Hendrick behaving in the gym's child care center? I asked myself. What would we have for lunch? Geez, I gotta go food shopping after this. What if he doesn't take a nap later? Will I still have time to write my blog before deadline?

"You must concentrate," the instructor told the class. "If you don't, you can't focus. You can't find your balance."

If other words, I needed to quiet my mind if my tree was to stand rooted and tall.

Shortly after Thanksgiving I joined the health center because I was beginning to experience frequent chest pains. Not the kind you get when you're having a heart attack. But rather the kind of constricting feeling you get when you have too much responsibility and not enough resources to handle it all. For me, that responsibility included a part-time job, a house, a husband, a toddler and a father who is in the early stage of dementia.

The cost of the gym was steep, but I told my husband I needed to start taking better care of myself. He didn't argue.

I try to hit the gym at least twice a week, taking a yoga or tai chi class. When time permits, I go for a swim then let the tension melt away in the hot tub. (No cycling or kick boxing classes for me, thank you.)

After about 30 minutes into Monday's yoga class, I finally started to forget about the outside world and concentrate on my breathing. My thoughts turned inward, where they were supposed to be.

"You deserve to be happy," the instructor said during the mediation. "You deserve to be healthy. You deserve to be whole."

Flight attendants always remind their passengers before the plane ascends into the sky that, in the event of an accident, you must put your air mask on before trying to help others.

There's good reason for that. If we don't take care of ourselves first, then we are no good to anybody else. Including our babies.

Now when I feel myself getting overwhelmed, I remember to breathe in and breathe out and take a few moments for myself. It is then that I regain my confidence and go on with my day.